The First Week & The Rest of June
June 2nd - June 5th, hospital stay.
June 5th - June 11th, 1st week.
On top of still being in a lot of pain -leaving the hospital without both my babies was pretty tough, I put on a smile but inside I was so depressed, almost feeling like a failure for not being enough for him, I couldn't provide for him. It didn't help that it was raining and gloomy. I think my husband kept some of the medical happenings from me to keep me from worrying to much. I didn't know at the time that he actually got worse the day we left and had to be put on a stronger machine (C-pip) in order to breath, and still wasn't eating on his own.
When I was being wheeled out on Sunday I was nervous about being "alone" with one baby, and not having the nurses at my beck-n-call to help me or answer questions and mostly to have them affirm I was doing a good job. I couldnt here that enough! And I didnt hear that enough. I missed being just down the hall from my boy, and being able to see him anytime I wanted. I was leaving him.
What really helped me get through my pregnancy, birth and beyond was not really having any expectations on how things 'should' go. I've always just went with the flow. My mind set was week to week, and same when I went home. "Just have to get through today...." With anything I faced, just had to get through the day. Tomorrow is another day, hopefully a better day.
When we got home, we were greeted by 2 very excited dogs. We put Olivia on the bed, still in her car seat so they could sniff. Days prior the husband did go home and took a blanket with him so they could smell her then too. We decided that we would do 5/10 min increments the rest of the day. So I stayed in the bedroom with the baby and my husband set up camp in the living room. He'd stay out there for as long as needed.
I couldn't get over the pain, but I was more comfortable in my own bed. I ended up co-sleeping with my girl. it was just easier being alone in the room and breast feeding, not being able to get up with out needing to grab onto something for stability.
The first day or two at home were the worst. There were lots of tears for lots of different reasons. My milk came in BIG time on Monday 5 days after giving birth (um, my boobs are the size of a small water melon, or a really big cantaloupe - not kidding). So I started to pump more. Everything I pumped I was able to give to Adyn. By the end of the day Tuesday he was 90% breast milk. Because he was still small, he was on 22 cal formula for the rest of the time 2 feedings a day out of the 8. {22 cal formula is just formula with extra calories. Breast milk and regular formula only have 20 calories per oz, so 22 cal is often used in the nicu to help babies gain weight}
Monday, the next day after being discharged, because Olivia had lost 11% of her weight while we were in the hospital so we had to get checked out by the pediatrician to hopefully see some weight-gain. She didn't gain weight, but didn't lose any either. So we had to take her back on Thursday.
Every day we packed up the baby and myself and went to the hospital to see Adyn. They don't allow babies/kids back into the nicu, at least where Adyn was in isolation so we stayed in the family room, and one of us went to visit while the other stayed with Olivia.
As far as Adyn goes, he improved slowly every day. The goal was to be able to breath on his own and to be able to eat on his own. When we had visited on Wednesday the nurses told me it might be another week. That kind of deflated me a bit, but again - I really just took everything day by day. But I also got to hold him for the first time since the 45 min after I gave birth. I can remember that he was so tiny!
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Baby boy laying down, still on a feeding tube, but out of isolation. |
Thursday they told us he's going home tomorrow! That almost brought me to my knees. I did one of those like instant cries, I was so happy to hear.
Meanwhile at home, things with the dogs were getting better. Husband was still out in the living room with the dogs, sleeping and living. The pain from the c-sec got better every day.
Later in my pregnancy, I couldn't really take a big breath since they squished my insides up. I remember one night I was laying in bed on my back, and I took a deep breath. It felt so weird. It's like I could feel my lungs expanding.
Things were also falling into place with Olivia. I was quickly falling into a routine of sorts of the every 2 hours needing fed. I was pumping a lot and she was still breast feeding.
Thursday when we took her back to the doctors, she had gained weight- Thank goodness.
Friday the big day! I was soooo anxious this day, bringing Adyn home meant two babies. Could I really do it? How hard is this going to be? I was happy to have him come home for sure, but what if he regressed? What happens if he stops breathing on his own again? What if what if what if???
We made it home, and did the same thing with the dogs. Let them sniff every so often, and back into my mom cave (bedroom) until further notice. He wasn't really able to latch, so we started off with a bottle for him. We started with the Kindee system, then tried the Bare bottle (?), ending up with the the Munchkin Latch bottle. We had to take Adyn to the ped on saturday (three times to the doc in one week, so lucky!) to make sure he was gaining weight, he did.
We had to go back to the doc a week later for thier 2 week check up. All was well. I don't remember much of June. It definitly went back in the blink of an eye. I feel like I should have kept a solid journal, and I suppose this will ultamatley will be a journal of sorts. I feel like I should have gotten newborn pictures, but I didn't. It cost $$, of which I have none, b/c hello- I have two new borns, and about half of my maternity leave was unpaid.
My husband took most of June off to help me, so he went back to work on June 27th. I was mostly ok, except I had a problem being able to eat. Or rather, fixing somethign to eat and being able to actually eat it before a baby started to cry or needed to be fed, or diaper change, etc. I tried to sleep when babies slept, but I also wanted to feel productive. I tired to do at least one thing on my own a day, laundry - vaume the rug - take a walk, etc.
While my husband was home with me, we tried to make it out of the house about once a week. We went to target, and the grocrey store.
Let me tell you, I felt like a side show. People stared at us, we got asked the usual questions - are they identical, are they natural, etc. (no, of course and yes? why would you even ask that?)
Before we knew it, they were a month old! I'll leave you with a few pictures, and write another posting for July.
Baby Girl <3 |
Thier first nught together. |
Haaay Ladies |
At target |
Fed, Fat & Happy |
Baby girl & her daddy |
Baby girl |
Baby boy |
Baby girl |
They like to cross arms like this. |