Catch Up Chroniciles Part II B - The First Week & Beyond

I'm trying to write updates weekly....trying...   to catch up to current day.

The First Week & The Rest of June

June 2nd - June 5th, hospital stay. 

June 5th - June 11th, 1st week. 

On top of still being in a lot of pain -leaving the hospital without both my babies was pretty tough, I put on a smile but inside I was so depressed, almost feeling like a failure for not being enough for him, I couldn't provide for him. It didn't help that it was raining and gloomy. I think my husband kept some of the medical happenings from me to keep me from worrying to much. I didn't know at the time that he actually got worse the day we left and had to be put on a stronger machine (C-pip) in order to breath, and still wasn't eating on his own.

When I was being wheeled out on Sunday I was nervous about being "alone" with one baby, and not having the nurses at my beck-n-call to help me or answer questions and mostly to have them affirm I was doing a good job. I couldnt here that enough! And I didnt hear that enough. I missed being just down the hall from my boy, and being able to see him anytime I wanted. I was leaving him.
What really helped me get through my pregnancy, birth and beyond was not really having any expectations on how things 'should' go. I've always just went with the flow. My mind set was week to week, and same when I went home. "Just have to get through today...." With anything I faced, just had to get through the day. Tomorrow is another day, hopefully a better day.

When we got home, we were greeted by 2 very excited dogs. We put Olivia on the bed, still in her car seat so they could sniff.  Days prior the husband did go home and took a blanket with him so they could smell her then too. We decided that we would do 5/10 min increments the rest of the day. So I stayed in the bedroom with the baby and my husband set up camp in the living room. He'd stay out there for as long as needed.
I couldn't get over the pain, but I was more comfortable in my own bed. I ended up co-sleeping with my girl. it was just easier being alone in the room and breast feeding, not being able to get up with out needing to grab onto something for stability.

The first day or two at home were the worst. There were lots of tears for lots of different reasons. My milk came in BIG time on Monday 5 days after giving birth (um, my boobs are the size of a small water melon, or a really big cantaloupe - not kidding). So I started to pump more. Everything I pumped I was able to give to Adyn. By the end of the day Tuesday he was 90% breast milk. Because he was still small, he was on 22 cal formula for the rest of the time 2 feedings a day out of the 8. {22 cal formula is just formula with extra calories. Breast milk and regular formula only have 20 calories per oz, so 22 cal is often used in the nicu to help babies gain weight}
Monday, the next day after being discharged, because Olivia had lost 11% of her weight while we were in the hospital so we had to get checked out by the pediatrician to hopefully see some weight-gain. She didn't gain weight, but didn't lose any either. So we had to take her back on Thursday.

Every day we packed up the baby and myself and went to the hospital to see Adyn. They don't allow babies/kids back into the nicu, at least where Adyn was in isolation so we stayed in the family room, and one of us went to visit while the other stayed with Olivia.
As far as Adyn goes, he improved slowly every day. The goal was to be able to breath on his own and to be able to eat on his own. When we had visited on Wednesday the nurses told me it might be another week. That kind of deflated me a bit, but again - I really just took everything day by day. But I also got to hold him for the first time since the 45 min after I gave birth. I can remember that he was so tiny!

Baby boy laying down, still on a feeding tube, but out of isolation. 

Thursday they told us he's going home tomorrow! That almost brought me to my knees. I did one of those like instant cries, I was so happy to hear.

Meanwhile at home, things with the dogs were getting better. Husband was still out in the living room with the dogs, sleeping and living. The pain from the c-sec got better every day.
Later in my pregnancy, I couldn't really take a big breath since they squished my insides up. I remember one night I was laying in bed on my back, and I took a deep breath. It felt so weird. It's like I could feel my lungs expanding.
Things were also falling into place with Olivia. I was quickly falling into a routine of sorts of the every 2 hours needing fed. I was pumping a lot and she was still breast feeding.
Thursday when we took her back to the doctors, she had gained weight- Thank goodness.

Friday the big day! I was soooo anxious this day, bringing Adyn home meant two babies. Could I really do it? How hard is this going to be? I was happy to have him come home for sure, but what if he regressed? What happens if he stops breathing on his own again?  What if what if what if???

We made it home, and did the same thing with the dogs. Let them sniff every so often, and back into my mom cave (bedroom) until further notice. He wasn't really able to latch, so we started off with a bottle for him. We started with the Kindee system, then tried the Bare bottle (?), ending up with the the Munchkin Latch bottle. We had to take Adyn to the ped on saturday (three times to the doc in one week, so lucky!) to make sure he was gaining weight, he did.
We had to go back to the doc a week later for thier 2 week check up. All was well. I don't remember much of June. It definitly went back in the blink of an eye. I feel like I should have kept a solid journal, and I suppose this will ultamatley will be a journal of sorts. I feel like I should have gotten newborn pictures, but I didn't. It cost $$, of which I have none, b/c hello- I have two new borns, and about half of my maternity leave was unpaid.
My husband took most of June off to help me, so he went back to work on June 27th. I was mostly ok, except I had a problem being able to eat. Or rather, fixing somethign to eat and being able to actually eat it before a baby started to cry or needed to be fed, or diaper change, etc. I tried to sleep when babies slept, but I also wanted to feel productive. I tired to do at least one thing on my own a day, laundry - vaume the rug - take a walk, etc.

While my husband was home with me, we tried to make it out of the house about once a week. We went to target, and the grocrey store.
Let me tell you, I felt like a side show. People stared at us, we got asked the usual questions - are they identical, are they natural, etc.  (no, of course and yes? why would you even ask that?)

Before we knew it, they were a month old! I'll leave you with a few pictures, and write another posting for July.

Baby Girl <3

Thier first nught together.

Haaay Ladies

At target

Fed, Fat & Happy

Baby girl & her daddy

Baby girl

Baby boy

Baby girl

They like to cross arms like this. 

Let's Catch Up Chronicles - Part II A -Twins Birth

Moving right along...

June:

June 1st I had my last high risk apt. It was very bitter sweet. I 100% loved my high risk doctor. He was real with me, he was caring, he was invested in my pregnancy, and he wasn't bad looking either. ha!

Turns out, both babies had turned head down, a day before my scheduled CSection. So he asked me if I wanted to delivery naturally, and I said no - but I immediately regretted it. Oh well. I can't remember exactly what I did the rest of the day, but probably not to much. 

It was a very weird feeling to go to bed that night thinking "I'm going to wake up tomorrow and have babies." Weird right? 

Bags packed, last min organizing, and eating since I couldn't eat anything past mid-night. I had been sleeping on the couch for the last month or so because I just couldn't get comfortable with having such terrible acid reflux. But I actually slept really good that night. 

Last Bump Pic! Get out of my belly!!!

June 2nd - Birthday's!  I made it to 36 weeks on the dot.
Again, waking up and weirdly feeling "today I'm having babies, the next time I home, it will be with 2 babies." Very surreal for sure! 

Got to the hospital and checked in, got naked and hooked up to all of the monitors. I remember having to pee so many times. Get unhooked, bring the IV with me, pee, get hooked back up. And Repeat! 

I had told my surgeon that as of yesterday both babies were head down and if I could go naturally. So they got out the sonogram machine, and baby boy moved back up! ugh! So, C-section it was. 

Laying in bed I felt very uncomfortable, and I just thought it was baby girl moving and a'groving since she was head down and right on top of my cervix. I had to breath through some of it. Then the nurse was like "are you feeling those contractions?"  "What!?! Those are contractions?"

....yea, so turns out I had been in labor for about a week. I had been having contractions on and off for a week and I didn't even know it! June 2nd would have been the birthday either which way. That's kinda cool. Remember that fire drill that previous Friday? yea! I was in labor and probably shouldn't have gotten up from my seat, let alone waddle down 3 flights of stairs and down 2 city blocks. I probably shouldn't have even been at work!

Anyways..  my surgery was supposed to have been at 8:30 but I kept getting bumped. The girl before me was pushing and had to have an emergency c section. Then the anesthesiologist kept bumping my spinal tap for yet another girls epidural.  I had asked the nurse, what if my water breaks here and I keep getting bumped like that.. she said then I would be moved to the top of the list. While I was waiting, it was nice to hear the heartbeats going, like "We're here mommy! We're ready!" I was so hungry too. My DH wouldn't admit it, but I know he was really anxious and uneasy. It took the nurses FOUR times to get IV in. That hurt more than the spinal tap being put in. 

So my contractions started to get to close together, 2 min apart and the nurses burst in the room saying "We're going in! Last min pee and lets get this show on the road!" ahhhhhhhh!!! 

I walked into the operating room and sat on the table, they got my spinal tap in pretty quickly and I laid down before it started to take effect. {With a spinal tab, or 'spinal' as they kept saying, you can't feel anything or move anything from the chest down.} I had to repeat a few things, "whats your name and do you know why you're here... yes I'm having babies, etc" They strapped my legs in put up the curtain and strapped my arms too, loosely. My husband had to wait outside for a min, but when I laid down he came in and sat by my side. Before I knew it they were cutting me open. *tmi alert* I could smell the burning of the skin, then saw splatter of blood on the blue screen. That was my cue to stair at the ceiling and start counting the ceiling squares. I held onto my husbands hand and stared at him. And then, there it was...  the scream. "Baby A" is out! and screaming her little head off!! I squeezed my husbands hands, closed my eyes and cried like a baby, like I'm about to do right now. The 1st team of people rushed her over to the bed and washed her off etc. I remember watching them over her, and then boom! "Baby B" is out and screaming. 2nd team rushing him over. DH then went over to take some pictures, and I was left to be stitched back up. It was really quick. In and out in about 45 min. They wheeled me into recovery with both babies already there with DH. It was so so so awesome to hold them for the 1st time. DH was so nervous it was cute. 

Olivia Rose Taylor, Born 12:00 June 2nd, 6lb 9oz and also 19" long. Even more hair then Adyn!

Adyn Duke Taylor, Born 12:01 June 2nd. 5lb 14oz 19" long and a head full of hair!

In recovery they quickly gave me both babies to do skin to skin. Olivia settled nicely in the nook of neck, but Adyn just wasn't sitting still and was whining a bit. Olivia had attached onto the boob for her first meal, but Adyn just couldn't, I guess concentrate.
My high risk doctor did warn me that he would probably go to the NICU for anything related to his lungs. A lot of times white - preemie boys have issues with their lungs and just need a little bit of help the first couple days of birth. So I started to feel like maybe he might have a problem.

They got my room ready for my stay and off we went to get settled in. I was the only twin birth in the hospital that day, so I got a lot of "congrats" in the hallway. I was still druggy and all I could muster back was a "Thunks you" slurry and all.

When we got to the family room the nurses tried to get Adyn to attach to the boob again, but he still hadn't settled down much. His breathing wasn't slowing down, it was short fast breath's. The nurse ended up calling in the NICU doctor, and my fears were confirmed. Off he wen't and they didn't really explain where they were going at first so I really never got to say.."see you later little guy" or anything like that.
I turned my focus onto my new little girl and trying to heal myself. The nurse offered me morphine, and I took it. Only after having it drain into my IV did they explain, oh yea you should have eating something, but oh yea, you can't just in case something happens and you have to go into surgery again. So I got reallllly sick. I threw up. A-Lot! So much so, it was just stomach bile green after the 2nd container they gave me to spit up in. It also scared me enough to refuse medicine for a while. I didn't want to get so sick that I couldn't take care of my little girl.
We had made all of our phone calls, text's, facebook updates, etc. At that time I really only wanted the parents to come in and visit. So his parents showed up 1st. By that time Adyn was already gone and I felt so guilty that Olivia was getting all the attention. They only stayed for a bit, then my mom came (my 'rents are divorced). I felt that guilt again, and decided that I really didn't want any more visitors. I mean, I really didn't take many pictures for almost a week (till Adyn came home) because I thought it wasn't fair that I was taking pictures of her and not him. I even cancelled our "free" (but not free) new born pictures the hospital does. Of course I'm all hormonal and upset, tired. I really just wanted to concentrate on baby girl and get to a point where I could get up and out of bed so that I could make it down to the NICU. Luckily the hospital I was at had their own NICU and he wasn't taken to another hospital.
We kept the lights on low the whole stay, didn't turn on the TV. Tried to sleep when we could. I breast fed as often as she wanted. At some point the next day (or maybe the day after that) I got up and took one of the best showers ever. Washing all the grime off, warming my muscles up, opening my lungs up again. The best.   I was able to walk down the nicu after that, but was wheeled back. I made it every day I was there at least once.
It was very scary to see him like this. But I never really worried about him. The doctors were from Johns Hopkins (I only live about 30 min from Baltimore, and D.C for that matter). Every nurse I came into contact with was just wonderful. They were in awe of me! Which made me feel like a rockstar for 3.5 seconds.

Lil'man in the NICU.

What-ha-happen wuz... 

He ended up with fluid in his lungs, either he took his 1st breath coming out of the amniotic sac and breathed in fluid or that b/c he wasn't born vaginally whatever fluid was in his lungs stayed there b/c it was squeezed out. His breathing was very fast paced and he couldn't expand his lungs. Because of that, he couldn't take in food. Here he his with the C-Pap machine on him and IV/tube for food, etc. At first it was like a sugar liquid to keep his sugars low. When they could get his breathing under control they started to feed him via the tube. Formula at first, until my milk came in (and BOY did it come in!).  He ended up in the nicu for 8 days. 

For a brief moment, he had more CO2 in his system, so they put him on the C-Pip machine. After about 4 days, he showed much improvement and they took him off the C-pap, but still on the feeding tube. He needed to be able to eat and breath on his down and keep the food down. By the 6th day I was able to hold him again and try to breast feed but he wouldn't attach, but he tried! 

The doctors are ok with seeing about 10 % weight loss in the days following birth, but baby girl lost 11%, so I had to make the decision at 2 am the morning of discharge to do formula to get her weight back up. I really only had to do that for a few days in addition to breast milk b/c her weight went back up. 

During my hospital stay, which was 4 days, 3 nights I had great nurses, and then bad nurses. I couldn't pee so they had to catheter me. After my bout of throwing up, I ended up taking the pain med's to make it through my day. I wanted to badly to be home, but wanted to care that came with being in the hosp. I did NOT like the food, so my hubby went out and got me at least one meal 'out.' 

I loved the undies the hosp had, it felt easy and carefree. So what if I bled all over them? Throw them away and get another! It was very hard to sleep at the hosp, I will say.  And really just the whole time I was there, it was like something was missing. Adyn was missing by my side. I didn't get to feel whole or complete till he came home. I didn't get those pictures that every one takes with the babies in the lap in my hospital gown and my messy hair with my tired eyes. It was just about getting through my day, healing, and caring for Olivia. 

Part II B, The first week, coming soon - -