Pink & Pink? Pink & Blue? Blue & Blue?
I know something you don't know, na-ne-na-ne-boo-boo :) <3
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Friday, January 15, 2016
16 Week Catch Up
I had every intention of writing sooner. Another big deadline at job#1, and just being plain exhausted has prevented me.
So, lets catch up. The twin news became official right after Christmas. I'd be surprised if no one knows at this point. But for some reason, I still feel the need to hide it. I've been hiding my budding belly for awhile. I think its another round of fear coming over me, and I'm not sure where its really coming from. It's almost like I'm still afraid to admit it because if something happens, then everyone will eventually find out. Every appointment has been perfect, so there is no real worry at this point. It's just the anxiety I feel again. I think it's going to stay with me until they're here.
Anyone with pregnancy after loss have any words of wisdom? Why do I keep looking for things to go wrong? Why can't I fully enjoy this pregnancy?
Switching gears.
Holy Growth! I woke up at 14w4 days (on a monday) and could hardly walk! My hips! My uterus! Oy Vey! Most days I can feel the stretching. Some days are worse than others.
My 14 week appointment went ok. I had mentioned last time that the tech was terrible, and I hope I never get her again.
Started off normal, and then she just slabbored the gel all over my tummy. Then she just went right into scanning both babies, telling me nothing. Didn't explain what she was doing, and was all over the belly b/c the babies kept moving around. So I started to ask "what are you doing, whats that, is that this.. is that that?" She seemed really annoyed with me that I was asking questions. After she was finished, she wiped the wand on the cover thingy and then told me to use the same cover to wipe off. Can't you give me a clean towel? ugh. Trying to clean myself off, I had the gel all over my hands, on my clothes. The pictures ended up being terrible. She took it upon her self to cut them up and and only give me two. One was an 'ok' profile, and the other just looked like a black picture.
I had my regular OB appointment later in that week, and it went ok as well. I guess I just feel like the practice I'm at is big buisnessy feel. Sure you have the nurses who really care, but its really about getting you in, answer questions, and get out. It was a nice surprise to get to hear the heart beats via the doppler. She couldn't find baby b's HB b/c of to much movement. I ended up with a nurse practitioner this time around. She was nice. I've gotten used to the rotation of doctors from going through all this fertility jazz. It was the same way at the clinic.
I have the 16 week appointment on Monday, and hopefully find out the genders. If they'll stay still for a second! The DH is coming with me on this one, so it would be nice for us to be together and find out. I finally have an idea or two on how to tell the masses (FB), but I still need an idea on how to tell family and work mates. I'm desperately trying to avoid the whole cake thing, but its so easy. So I'll have to pintrest this weekend to find something.
Oh!! You guys!! I called off on job #2 20 min before my shift with a "headache." You should be proud of me. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't stand for 4 hours with the pain I was in already. They weren't happy, but of flipping well. They all probably called me names all night.
But this prompted a conversation with the DH about when I can quit. I'm happy to announce that we have come up with a date of Feb 5th, to put in my two weeks then. So happy that we're on the same page now. But now, I just have to hang on for a few more weeks and hope that it all ends on good terms. I'll have to grocery shop there!
Other than that, not much going on. Sleeping a lot. Trying to read these 4 prego books that I have. No real plans for the weekend except work, and put in hours for job#1 in order to meet the big deadline for next Friday. I have off Monday (gov't holiday) so I've stacked three doctor's appointment's for the day; thyroid doc, baby doc & gastro doc. Then promptly home to crash, and fall asleep at 7pm.
Hoping you have a better weekend than me!
Maybe next post I'll be brave and start doing the whole bump pic thing. I'm only starting to embrace it now.
Until Then - -
So, lets catch up. The twin news became official right after Christmas. I'd be surprised if no one knows at this point. But for some reason, I still feel the need to hide it. I've been hiding my budding belly for awhile. I think its another round of fear coming over me, and I'm not sure where its really coming from. It's almost like I'm still afraid to admit it because if something happens, then everyone will eventually find out. Every appointment has been perfect, so there is no real worry at this point. It's just the anxiety I feel again. I think it's going to stay with me until they're here.
Anyone with pregnancy after loss have any words of wisdom? Why do I keep looking for things to go wrong? Why can't I fully enjoy this pregnancy?
Switching gears.
Holy Growth! I woke up at 14w4 days (on a monday) and could hardly walk! My hips! My uterus! Oy Vey! Most days I can feel the stretching. Some days are worse than others.
My 14 week appointment went ok. I had mentioned last time that the tech was terrible, and I hope I never get her again.
Started off normal, and then she just slabbored the gel all over my tummy. Then she just went right into scanning both babies, telling me nothing. Didn't explain what she was doing, and was all over the belly b/c the babies kept moving around. So I started to ask "what are you doing, whats that, is that this.. is that that?" She seemed really annoyed with me that I was asking questions. After she was finished, she wiped the wand on the cover thingy and then told me to use the same cover to wipe off. Can't you give me a clean towel? ugh. Trying to clean myself off, I had the gel all over my hands, on my clothes. The pictures ended up being terrible. She took it upon her self to cut them up and and only give me two. One was an 'ok' profile, and the other just looked like a black picture.
I had my regular OB appointment later in that week, and it went ok as well. I guess I just feel like the practice I'm at is big buisnessy feel. Sure you have the nurses who really care, but its really about getting you in, answer questions, and get out. It was a nice surprise to get to hear the heart beats via the doppler. She couldn't find baby b's HB b/c of to much movement. I ended up with a nurse practitioner this time around. She was nice. I've gotten used to the rotation of doctors from going through all this fertility jazz. It was the same way at the clinic.
I have the 16 week appointment on Monday, and hopefully find out the genders. If they'll stay still for a second! The DH is coming with me on this one, so it would be nice for us to be together and find out. I finally have an idea or two on how to tell the masses (FB), but I still need an idea on how to tell family and work mates. I'm desperately trying to avoid the whole cake thing, but its so easy. So I'll have to pintrest this weekend to find something.
Oh!! You guys!! I called off on job #2 20 min before my shift with a "headache." You should be proud of me. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't stand for 4 hours with the pain I was in already. They weren't happy, but of flipping well. They all probably called me names all night.
But this prompted a conversation with the DH about when I can quit. I'm happy to announce that we have come up with a date of Feb 5th, to put in my two weeks then. So happy that we're on the same page now. But now, I just have to hang on for a few more weeks and hope that it all ends on good terms. I'll have to grocery shop there!
Other than that, not much going on. Sleeping a lot. Trying to read these 4 prego books that I have. No real plans for the weekend except work, and put in hours for job#1 in order to meet the big deadline for next Friday. I have off Monday (gov't holiday) so I've stacked three doctor's appointment's for the day; thyroid doc, baby doc & gastro doc. Then promptly home to crash, and fall asleep at 7pm.
Hoping you have a better weekend than me!
Maybe next post I'll be brave and start doing the whole bump pic thing. I'm only starting to embrace it now.
Until Then - -
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Coming Out of the Pregnancy Closet
Haaay! It's been a min since I've written. Things have been pretty busy at job#1, lots of deadlines and we're changing over to a new system soon and I'm being considered an "expert" (???lol) in my area.
So lets see, last time we talked about the 12 week visit and plans for Christmas. I hope each of you had a nice time with family/friends, or even with just your husband. I kind of always prefer it just be He and I rather than having to put on "a face." I had a pretty good Christmas, santa gave me what I wanted and we got to tell our news to the family.
But lets back up a few weeks, to just after 8 weeks when we told our parents (well... my mom and in-laws... I'll get to my dad's reaction shortly).
My Mom:
I work two jobs, about 70 hours a week. So when I say I'm busy, I'm busy get it? My mom lives in another state right now, so seeing each other as much as she wants just isn't possible without like a months notice so I can put in a request for time off. She was going down to FL to visit my brother for thanksgiving, and made a really big deal about wanting her boots (that she had mailed to me while she was in Hawaii *rolls eyes*). This was a text conversation, so I looked at my schedule and said, 'ok, the only time is Saturday at so and so time." Ok! Dinner date set. At least I'll get free dinner out of it. Now, it was not my intention to tell anyone till we passed the 12 week mark, but as soon as we sat down at the table "you're pregnant aren't you." There goes the surprise! And because I just can't lie without giving it away, I said yes I handed her the sonogram picture, and she was looking at it funny. I said, 'Mom, its twins - there's two in there...' 'oh yea I see that now.' ......... That was it.
There hasn't been much more excitement since. I was maybe contributing the non-excitement based on the fact that I lost my 1st one at 8 weeks, so she didn't want to get to excited. But now, its like um.. I'm just about half way there, and you have yet to really be involved with anything. I just find it weird. I dunno.. Maybe when I have the energy to actually have a conversation about it, I will. But right now, I don't.
In-Laws:
My MIL can also spot a lie 5 miles away. She'll never ask me anything, but will grill my DH up and down. I had gotten the hemorrhage right before Thanksgiving, so doctors orders were to take the rest of the week off from both jobs. My DH calls and lets my in-laws know that I will now be joining them for dinner b/c I have to rest..?? (WHY would he say that? he could have said, my schedule changed...) So she knew right then and there. Thanksgiving day rolls around, and my plan was to ask my husband for two rolls... and then I would ask him to go put them in the oven for 6-7 more months and see if they would catch on. Good right??? Except as soon as my husband gives me the two buns I just bust out laughing, like catch my breath, tears coming out of my eyes laughing. So I have napkin on my eyes b/c I'm crying. Holding two buttery buns in my hands, and my MIL was like "you're pregnant!" I said "yes, but with two - get it? two buns..?" There reaction was better than my moms. But they were also cautionary. Just kept saying "well we hope you make it, but I wouldn't tell anyone just yet..." Again.... what??? Keep that 'ish to yourself. How about, Yes! Your having these babies, yay! Anyways... they have been coming around and say things like "when the babies get here..." so that make me feel better.
Dad's Side:
I was most excited about telling my Grammy. She has been praying for me for years and has only ever wanted my happiness. So I made a T-Shirt that said "Taylor Twins Arriving June 2016" and wore it to my dad's side of the Christmas gathering. I didn't know this about my Grams but she said to me later that night, that whenever someone has a design or lettering on a shirt she zero's in on it right away. So it was PERFECT that I had the t-shirt idea. As soon as I walked into her house and around the corner into the living room, she read it and screamed - jumped off the couch and hugged me and cried with me. Just kept saying "I am so happy for you, I am so happy, praise Jesus." I'm so mad I didn't catch it on video. Oh well. Most of my aunts (4 of them, with lots and lots of cousins and 2nd cousins) were really happy for me. Same sort of reaction - jaw dropped. Grammy kept saying to everyone, "go read Kim's shirt!!" haha.
My dad's reaction... heh.. was different. He had told me last Christmas Eve how much he was against me using "science" to have a baby, etc. I didn't notice when I walked in (because I completely ignored him), my husband saw him look at his girlfriend and roll his eyes and that she made a face back at him. When my gammy asked if he knew, he just said "no.." and I came to my defense and I said that NO ONE knew! (so um, stop giving me attitude), his first words to me were "was it a test tube baby?" and half hugged me. I said, no dad - but thanks. Just like his reaction from my 1st pregnancy (that he later questioned) 'guess you were touched by the hand of God..." ugh. I don't think he believed me when I said I didn't do IVF, but oh flipping well. And he wonders why I don't really speak to him?
Mother Side:
Mom had warned me that Emily - my cousin was pregnant too, also due in June. There reaction might not be so warming to my news. And they are kind of self involved people anyways, so I knew this. I wore my t-shirt again. Definitely not jumping off the couch, but were like "oh good news!" "Emily's pregnant too!!" Yea thanks. During the dinner, no one asked my or my DH anything. It was all about Emily. Totally get it, its your daughter, but its also her third kid. I have been very open about the things I've been through, so I was expecting a little bit more. But I decided not to let it affect me like that.
Work:
Its allll out in the open now. Everyone knows. And I feel weird that people are talking about it. I guess I just don't like the attention on me. Nothing really exciting, except the fact that our "go live" date for our new system will happen as I'm giving birth. So my expertise will have to be shared with my manager. The finance director made the announcement at today's meeting "Kim's pregnant with twins.." so everyone was looking at me.
That's it! I'm pretty happy all around that the general public didn't really know until I reached the safe zone. But personally I still feel like sometimes this is just still unreal. I went shopping for maternity clothes at Kohls and I'm walking towards the section, and I'm like how is this happening? I'm shopping for maternity clothes?
I also had my 14 week apt with the high risk doc, but that's a post all in itself. Its going to be how horrible the tech was. Tomorrow I have an apt with the OB. I'll just mash it up to really a 15 week update since I'll be 15 weeks Thursday. Still no bump pictures - sorry! And the sono pic's were just awful!! So no new pic's to share this week. Hopefully it will be a better experience next go-around.
I have to run to my personal training session, then home to maybe do laundry if I have the energy. Or it will be shower and sleep.
Until then - -
So lets see, last time we talked about the 12 week visit and plans for Christmas. I hope each of you had a nice time with family/friends, or even with just your husband. I kind of always prefer it just be He and I rather than having to put on "a face." I had a pretty good Christmas, santa gave me what I wanted and we got to tell our news to the family.
But lets back up a few weeks, to just after 8 weeks when we told our parents (well... my mom and in-laws... I'll get to my dad's reaction shortly).
My Mom:
I work two jobs, about 70 hours a week. So when I say I'm busy, I'm busy get it? My mom lives in another state right now, so seeing each other as much as she wants just isn't possible without like a months notice so I can put in a request for time off. She was going down to FL to visit my brother for thanksgiving, and made a really big deal about wanting her boots (that she had mailed to me while she was in Hawaii *rolls eyes*). This was a text conversation, so I looked at my schedule and said, 'ok, the only time is Saturday at so and so time." Ok! Dinner date set. At least I'll get free dinner out of it. Now, it was not my intention to tell anyone till we passed the 12 week mark, but as soon as we sat down at the table "you're pregnant aren't you." There goes the surprise! And because I just can't lie without giving it away, I said yes I handed her the sonogram picture, and she was looking at it funny. I said, 'Mom, its twins - there's two in there...' 'oh yea I see that now.' ......... That was it.
There hasn't been much more excitement since. I was maybe contributing the non-excitement based on the fact that I lost my 1st one at 8 weeks, so she didn't want to get to excited. But now, its like um.. I'm just about half way there, and you have yet to really be involved with anything. I just find it weird. I dunno.. Maybe when I have the energy to actually have a conversation about it, I will. But right now, I don't.
In-Laws:
My MIL can also spot a lie 5 miles away. She'll never ask me anything, but will grill my DH up and down. I had gotten the hemorrhage right before Thanksgiving, so doctors orders were to take the rest of the week off from both jobs. My DH calls and lets my in-laws know that I will now be joining them for dinner b/c I have to rest..?? (WHY would he say that? he could have said, my schedule changed...) So she knew right then and there. Thanksgiving day rolls around, and my plan was to ask my husband for two rolls... and then I would ask him to go put them in the oven for 6-7 more months and see if they would catch on. Good right??? Except as soon as my husband gives me the two buns I just bust out laughing, like catch my breath, tears coming out of my eyes laughing. So I have napkin on my eyes b/c I'm crying. Holding two buttery buns in my hands, and my MIL was like "you're pregnant!" I said "yes, but with two - get it? two buns..?" There reaction was better than my moms. But they were also cautionary. Just kept saying "well we hope you make it, but I wouldn't tell anyone just yet..." Again.... what??? Keep that 'ish to yourself. How about, Yes! Your having these babies, yay! Anyways... they have been coming around and say things like "when the babies get here..." so that make me feel better.
Dad's Side:
I was most excited about telling my Grammy. She has been praying for me for years and has only ever wanted my happiness. So I made a T-Shirt that said "Taylor Twins Arriving June 2016" and wore it to my dad's side of the Christmas gathering. I didn't know this about my Grams but she said to me later that night, that whenever someone has a design or lettering on a shirt she zero's in on it right away. So it was PERFECT that I had the t-shirt idea. As soon as I walked into her house and around the corner into the living room, she read it and screamed - jumped off the couch and hugged me and cried with me. Just kept saying "I am so happy for you, I am so happy, praise Jesus." I'm so mad I didn't catch it on video. Oh well. Most of my aunts (4 of them, with lots and lots of cousins and 2nd cousins) were really happy for me. Same sort of reaction - jaw dropped. Grammy kept saying to everyone, "go read Kim's shirt!!" haha.
My dad's reaction... heh.. was different. He had told me last Christmas Eve how much he was against me using "science" to have a baby, etc. I didn't notice when I walked in (because I completely ignored him), my husband saw him look at his girlfriend and roll his eyes and that she made a face back at him. When my gammy asked if he knew, he just said "no.." and I came to my defense and I said that NO ONE knew! (so um, stop giving me attitude), his first words to me were "was it a test tube baby?" and half hugged me. I said, no dad - but thanks. Just like his reaction from my 1st pregnancy (that he later questioned) 'guess you were touched by the hand of God..." ugh. I don't think he believed me when I said I didn't do IVF, but oh flipping well. And he wonders why I don't really speak to him?
Mother Side:
Mom had warned me that Emily - my cousin was pregnant too, also due in June. There reaction might not be so warming to my news. And they are kind of self involved people anyways, so I knew this. I wore my t-shirt again. Definitely not jumping off the couch, but were like "oh good news!" "Emily's pregnant too!!" Yea thanks. During the dinner, no one asked my or my DH anything. It was all about Emily. Totally get it, its your daughter, but its also her third kid. I have been very open about the things I've been through, so I was expecting a little bit more. But I decided not to let it affect me like that.
Work:
Its allll out in the open now. Everyone knows. And I feel weird that people are talking about it. I guess I just don't like the attention on me. Nothing really exciting, except the fact that our "go live" date for our new system will happen as I'm giving birth. So my expertise will have to be shared with my manager. The finance director made the announcement at today's meeting "Kim's pregnant with twins.." so everyone was looking at me.
That's it! I'm pretty happy all around that the general public didn't really know until I reached the safe zone. But personally I still feel like sometimes this is just still unreal. I went shopping for maternity clothes at Kohls and I'm walking towards the section, and I'm like how is this happening? I'm shopping for maternity clothes?
I also had my 14 week apt with the high risk doc, but that's a post all in itself. Its going to be how horrible the tech was. Tomorrow I have an apt with the OB. I'll just mash it up to really a 15 week update since I'll be 15 weeks Thursday. Still no bump pictures - sorry! And the sono pic's were just awful!! So no new pic's to share this week. Hopefully it will be a better experience next go-around.
I have to run to my personal training session, then home to maybe do laundry if I have the energy. Or it will be shower and sleep.
Until then - -
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)