Changing the Subject

So lets not talk about babies for a min. I once saw a few post's on another Blogger called "wordless Wednesday" so I thought I'd do something similar.
I've been taking walks at lunch time in an effort to get out of my office for a while and also for cardio/calorie burn. I've been successful all week! Well, except today I'm having lunch with a long lost friend.
I work in a pretty historic down town, so here are a few pictures that I've taken on my walks this week:

Our downtown is known for Church Spires, "Clustard Spires."
There are almost 50? Don't quote me though...

I take a 30 min loop around the downtown park, view of the 'city.'

A few more pics blog worthy too:

My view going home after my workout.

We now have FOUR!!!! animals (the kitties are about 12 weeks old)

Track workout, we did the bleacher stairs a few times. 

My fancy photo of the track. 

Lets through in this one for good measure:

Anyone have any plans this weekend? Tonight makes the 2nd Friday in a row that I don't have to work. So I'll be doing another "track day" with some friends. I have a good workout planned. Then my DH and I are going to try and finish cleaning the 2nd bedroom for the kittens. We're keeping them in a big dog crate now, but they are growing fast. So we need to get them out and used to more space before 'letting them loose' with the dogs. I don't trust my smaller dog just yet alone. She can play a little to rough sometimes and the kittens are still under 5 lbs each, probably more like 2 or 3 pounds. So they'll be kept in the 2nd bedroom for now. 

Then tomorrow, I'm going to do my Soldierfit class (boot camp'ish), race home and shower. Then my great friend of 15 years is finally getting married and its her engagement party. Then I race over to the shoe store and pick up some new running shoes, theeeeen its work job #2 till 11pm.  

Sunday, work all day and crash on my couch all night. 

Yea.......

Ok, so quick update on the baby thing. This is my third cycle trying on my own (w/metformin @ 2000mg /day) post miscarriage. I ovulated at CD10 and 'tried' that night, and if I'm understanding correctly, I have a 36 hour window? well my DH couldn't 'finish' as they say for ovulation day 2. And yes I was upset about that. I told him I will be blaming him if this cycle doesn't work. To harsh?

Today I'm CD17, or 6dpo.  I broke down and took a test yesterday (5dpo) I know I know.. waaaay to early. But it did bring me back to reality. I've been having small little cramps the past couple days. So I'm desperately trying to stay focused on my daily to-dos' and still trying to get my head back in the game, gearing up for September and our last ditch effort on our own in August. Seeing the BFN last night, kind of confirmed my thoughts of this cycle being a bust, but I'm kind of ok with that too. If it happend of course I would be elated. But I'm ok with more time too. 

That about sums it up. I'm so enjoying reading on y'alls blogs. Its part of my morning routine. 

Cheers to a good weekend, and until next time!

<3 and baby dust  :)

It's Friday & I Don't Have To Work Both Jobs...

It's always nice starting out the say knowing that I don't have to pull a 16 hour day. I just have to get through a solid 8 hours and I'm done!

On top of that, I'm actually ovulating. I got a solid smile face today from my OVP kit (and a day earlier from what my app shows CD10). I was so happy to see this. Almost as happy as it being a BFP.  I had mentioned in my earlier post, that I didn't think I ovulated and that's why I hadn't' gotten pregnant in 11 years. That's a loooong time. Think about it, I've been trying to have a baby for as long as you are in school from 1st grade through graduating.
I sent my DH a text this morning saying today's goal is 'going" three times! ha, and hes like "um, maybe lets try for twice."  

So here I am at CD 10 and I'm ovulating. Its Friday and I don't have to work both jobs today. Today is a good day.

I'm going to celebrate and go to work out at SoldierFit tonight. I did some track work last night and actually did better than I thought I'd do. Ran up and down the stadium stairs and did some squats and crunches. I'm still the same on the scale though. But I am noticing more muscle in my arms and my legs are pretty solid. Now if I can just get rid of this bakery that I have going on in the mid-section (its more than a muffin top, its lots of muffins....  a bakery).   I need to work on more cardio and really tie down this eating right gig.  I'll get there. For now, I'm doing significantly better that I was doing a month ago.

Just a quick update for now. I'm guessing after today and tomorrow my window will be closed then we wait... But I'm going to be focusing on myself and getting through each day, one at a time. I'm just so happy that I'm ovulating. This will make it easier I hope when/if we start treatments.
I'm enjoying my last mocha today and finishing off my diet coke pack. I'm done with caffeine even if I don't get pregnant this time. It's just a bad habit to be in.

ok.. now I'm just gabbing. Be thinking about me, and I'll be thinking about you :)

Until next time...

It's True! I DO Ovulate

How exciting! I've had PCOS for a very long time and have dealt with the curve balls that its thrown me as best I can. But over time I've never really took the ovulation tests very seriously because I've always gotten a "no" or "error" so I never really knew if I truly ovulated. I just always assumed probably not - which is a huge factor in this whole PCOS game. I mean, its been over 11 years of being with the same person (my husband), and up until January this year - I have not gotten pregnant. And I have yet to get pregnant again.
After my miscarriage doctors orders were to wait 2/3 cycles before trying again. So our first time was early June, and I didn't get to my ovulation test's in time, but started trying at CD8, through CD13 and  was technically late (My cycles are usually 24/25 days and I didnt start my period till CD28) and got a BFN. Then I missed the 2nd cycle completely from being 3rd degree sun burned and couldn't move, but still kinda tried and another BFN.  So right now.. like.. -right now- is our third cycle trying.

Currently:
CD5 - I started testing (the one with the smile face) yesterday at and LH was low (no smile). Side note, I like how its a smile face and not a "NO."  

CD6 - Bit ol'flashing smile face, which is high fertility. When I compare this info with my app, my app is completely off. Which could explain our 1st cycle trying, I could have missed it! I feel like this is early? So we fit in "trying" in b/t my jobs yesterday. Same goes with today

CD7 - Today, same. flashy smile. My husband couldn't be happier with all this... activity*blushing*. My rule is it has to be dark. I'm to self conscious. So he's been putting blankets over the windows (sweet?) since its like 5:00 in the afternoon generally, and have to be at my 2nd job at 6 on the weeknights.

on CD8 I expect another flashy smile, if not already ovulating (solid smile).

I'm trying my best to stay grounded this time around. Not to speculate anything. And also follow my own advice :)  Taking each day as it comes. But I'm ready. I'm ready to be pregnant again. Mentally I'm just about "there." And I'm also focusing on September. If we don't get pregnant b/t now and then - that's when we'll start treatments. And my mental status on that is almost there too.
I'm still working on the working out and eating right. I'd like to lose at least 10 pounds before treatments to avoid any issues with BMI, self worth and all that jazz. It's definitely hard to be consistent with working so much, but I'm trying so very hard. While my microwave meal is heating up, I'm doing squats. I'm debating on bring in weights into my office, closing the door at lunch and just going at it. I think I might...

Other than that, nothing to much new to report. Wish me luck!

Time is Flying

So its been a hot minute since I've posted. June was kind of a busy month, so I didn't really have time or really feel like sitting (more on this), reflect and post anything and now July is slipping away .

June consisted of DH & I six year wedding annv, which means we've been together almost 12 years now, 12 years of trying. He was sweet and sent me flowers at work. They lasted almost a week. Beautiful pink and red roses. Right after that, it was go time. Fertile, ovulating.. or so I'd hope. I didn't get on my ovulation test's fast enough, so we do it every day that my app said, and more. It was quite exhausting! Days after I immediately began to cramp and I was SURE I was pregnant but wasn't really feeling anything else. I was constantly checking my symptoms from last time, and I was really kind of stressing. I mean.... in January we weren't trying really at all, at least not that hard and boom!

I ended up taking 3 tests and all BFN. It kind of threw me for a loop. This was our first time trying again after our loss and I was more excited than I though I would be, and more disappointed as well. I think that's were my "slump" started.  I kind of started to rebel a little bit, stopped taking all my medications (thyroid, pre-natal, metformin). Thinking if it didn't work this time it never will! *insert sad pouty face here*
Well that didn't help at all, especially with my thyroid. I almost couldn't function b/c I was always so tired and lethargic, and things were falling apart. I began to fall behind at work. I didn't feel like working out. I withdrew from all of my friends. This all drove me deeper in my slump, I guess you could even say border line depressed.
Then I stupidly didn't put on sun screen when I went to the beach for the day, and I burned so bad that I couldn't move the next day, and hardly the day after that. Its been almost two weeks and I'm STILL peeling! So because of all of that, I missed the 2nd cycle completely. So now w're down to 2 more cycles before we being the treatments. And that scares me. I don't feel ready. I'm not happy where "I" am right now. Deeper into my slump I fall.

During all of this there was a women at my 2nd job who staring to be very hateful towards me. I'm not sure if I've mentioned her in a previous post, but she's like.. picking on me of sorts. Now she started saying that I was using my miscarriage as an excuse not to do my job. The assistant manager to whom she told this to, told me the next day. 1) This was SO not true 2) How does that even enter you mind to say?  I have never once used my miscarriage as an excuse, or "dragged it out" as she also said. She goes on to compare me with another person who's had two miscarriages, and how she probably never took off, and this and that. I'm pretty sure 'she' doesn't want her miscarriages spoken in that kind of light, if at all, and then to compare mine to hers. How dare you. And I'll have you know (this is me talking to her face) that I went to the THE DAY I found out there was no longer a heart beat, why? I don't know. I took ONE day off work for my procedure. I was back to work the next scheduled day. Screw you women. So, I called the corporate HR and reported her. They reached out to the store manager the next day.
It wasn't resolved 100% to my satisfaction, but I just didn't want to talk about it anymore. Why keep dragging this thing out again.

AND another birthday went by and all I could think about was that, its another year and I'm still not a mother.
My husband will never know the pain I feel, especially the last three years or so. I didn't feel special at all this year. My worthless father of course didn't call or anything. My mom just facebooked me. My grammy didn't send me my annual card with 20 bucks in it. My husband tried. But I just wasn't feeling it at all.
God I sound so sad right now! Whats wrong with me?

I'm struggling with my internal decision making. I've been saying.. tomorrow I'll start my diet, working out, take my meds! (lol, that sounds bad..)

Well it starts today. I've made a commitment to work out with someone tonight, and again tomorrow morning. I started to take my thyroid medicine last week and feel better just from that. I've been taking my metformin again last last week, and I'm taking my pre-natals again. Hopefully this working out and finally going to the grocery store this weekend will put me back on the right path, b/c I need to gear up for cycle #3 next week. I'm going to the store and buying a new ovulation test thingy tonight so that's one less thing to worry about.

I guess I should probably get back to work. I've been pretending to write an email this whole time. I'm going to be fine. I have to be.