I am in complete and utter shock. I kept looking at it, and saying "this isn't real, this isn't supposed to happen this way, I can't believe it." Even now as I write this post, I just can't believe its true. I'm pregnant. It was positive. And I'm in denial.
I have had these cramps all week fully expecting to find my period coming at any moment. And it never came. I just asked my DH to buy a test just on a whim. I can't take the suspense. As soon as I got home I peed on the stick and almost immediately I saw two lines. I started to ball, and walked out to the living room and the look on my face said it all and my husband came in and said "yep, that's definitely two lines." So begins my "no way, this cant be true" repeated a million times.
When I woke up I took another one, same thing. Right away. I just stared at it.
I was getting my armour on and readying for the battle I was about to fight against infertility. I was ready. I was ready for the rounds and rounds of shots, med's, monitoring. I was ready for the disappointments. I was even ready to face a loss. It's all part of the battle to win. Winning meant I got pregnant if I was so lucky.
I'm not sure what I'm feeling at this moment. I'm thinking about all of the things the RE said to me, in particular the ovarian reserve number. That it was half par. That I might not have any good eggs left to sustain life.
As much as I want to shout to the world that I'm pregnant. I can't help but wonder, what happens next. When is the other shoe going to drop. I'm ready to face a loss, but that doesn't mean I wont crumble and have a piece of my hart that dies.
So I'm remaining cautiously optimistic. I'm relishing the fact that I have something growing inside me.
I don't want you to think that I will ever forget the struggle I have gone through these last 11 years. The constant disappointments. I will never forget. And my words for you if you are still struggling, to keep fighting. Keep putting on your brave armour and go to battle. Your win will come one way or the other. You are so strong and brave, you don't even realize it I bet. One day at a time, one step at a time.
With that being said. I have no idea how I'm supposed to get through a whole day's work. And I didn't sleep a wink last night. I worked till 11, but until shower and taking care of the dogs I wasn't in bed till almost mid-night, then I tired to read. And I was up by 4ish. Thankfully I don't have to work tonight. I am enjoying dinner with great friends that I haven't seen in a long time. How do I keep this a secrete?
I'm going to target tonight and getting more pregnancy tests and to Barns and Noble to buy the book "what to expect when expecting." I never expected to be expecting. You would have thought in the 11 years that I would have read up on actually being pregnant. Nope! It was all about trying to become pregnant.
I called the nurse and left a message. I'm hoping to hear back soon. Since I've been going through them to get pregnant, I'd like to stick with them for as long as I can. Perhaps I still need to take progesterone, and be monitored closely. I have no clue what happens next. But I have repeated thanked God over and over again.
I just heard back from the nurse and am leaving right now to get blood work done. This is starting to happen at hyper speed. How is this happening to me?
Friday, January 30, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Hey Uterus... Stop Toying With My Emotions.
So, I've been cramping for the last three days, and my boobs hurt-mostly all day and hurt at more times than others. Cramps are on and off all day too, and also hurt more than others. No actual blood though, and I'm really looking for any trace. AND, I'm a little more tired than usual. I'm getting enough sleep I'm sure. Last night as soon as I got home, maybe 5:30/6 I was ready for bed.
I'm on CD27, and that's not unusual for me, I've gone as far as CD28 before and then BOOM there she is. But I have dinner with friends tomorrow night, and I would want to get a least one cocktail. Do I get a preg test tonight and see what happens? I think I might, just to end this curiosity. Its not impossible. But I hate getting to this part. I hate to be disappointed. If it weren't for this dinner I probably would wait another week or so.
I'm supposed to have ordered my medications for my next cycle in feb. If I haven't even started this cycle yet, then I'll be pushed back to March.
But I guess that's ok. I'm hearing back from the finance person that she has to re-run my benefits and that could take a few weeks (!!!!!!) So I'll be doing a little recon on my own. I just need to re-read some of the information the nurse gave to me last time and call the insurance myself and see what is and what is not covered.
ugh. I cant even concentrate now on what I'm supposed to be doing (bank reconciliations). Its only 2:00. I'm all freaked out from Dr.Google.
See now, I'm getting tired again. But I'm to freaked out to get a cup of coffee. Even my tea has caffeine in it. Why do I do this to myself?
what else... lets change the subject. Its really cold here. Am I contradicting my self with an earlier post? yea, well... its really cold. I have to park a few blocks away from where I work and I could hardly stand it this morning. Just look at this weather. Cold. More snow. Not getting warmer than 35. ugh.
Hey I came up with a rhyme: BFN or BFP I guess we'll have to wait and see.
Even though I already know the answer. How could it possible be positive?
I'm on CD27, and that's not unusual for me, I've gone as far as CD28 before and then BOOM there she is. But I have dinner with friends tomorrow night, and I would want to get a least one cocktail. Do I get a preg test tonight and see what happens? I think I might, just to end this curiosity. Its not impossible. But I hate getting to this part. I hate to be disappointed. If it weren't for this dinner I probably would wait another week or so.
I'm supposed to have ordered my medications for my next cycle in feb. If I haven't even started this cycle yet, then I'll be pushed back to March.
But I guess that's ok. I'm hearing back from the finance person that she has to re-run my benefits and that could take a few weeks (!!!!!!) So I'll be doing a little recon on my own. I just need to re-read some of the information the nurse gave to me last time and call the insurance myself and see what is and what is not covered.
ugh. I cant even concentrate now on what I'm supposed to be doing (bank reconciliations). Its only 2:00. I'm all freaked out from Dr.Google.
See now, I'm getting tired again. But I'm to freaked out to get a cup of coffee. Even my tea has caffeine in it. Why do I do this to myself?
what else... lets change the subject. Its really cold here. Am I contradicting my self with an earlier post? yea, well... its really cold. I have to park a few blocks away from where I work and I could hardly stand it this morning. Just look at this weather. Cold. More snow. Not getting warmer than 35. ugh.
Even though I already know the answer. How could it possible be positive?
Monday, January 26, 2015
GREEEEN LITE!
I broke down and called the regular endo doctor...again. I said "I really really really need to hear from someone today." Moments later, the nurse called back. So there's good news and bad news.
The bad news first. My thyroid went from being way overactive (bad) back down to low in just under 8 weeks. Has that ever happened to any of you? I find that kind of weird. I asked the nurse how can that happen? she said "I don't know." hmm... so now my dosage is being adjusted. It was 100, then down to 88, now back up to 100 mcg.
But then I asked, well ok - but can I move forward with treatments? She said, there wasn't anything listed on the doctors notes to say otherwise, so yes move forward.
Excellent.
So that's it. Now I just have to be sure I press on to meet with the finance person. My nurse keeps brushing it off, but I think its important that I sit down and actually go over everything and how much I'm going to be putting out. I think I have a right to know yes? I don't want to get a surprise bill in the mail.
I'll call the nurse in a day or two. Order the meds. And counting down the days till Feb 20th. This is it!
The bad news first. My thyroid went from being way overactive (bad) back down to low in just under 8 weeks. Has that ever happened to any of you? I find that kind of weird. I asked the nurse how can that happen? she said "I don't know." hmm... so now my dosage is being adjusted. It was 100, then down to 88, now back up to 100 mcg.
But then I asked, well ok - but can I move forward with treatments? She said, there wasn't anything listed on the doctors notes to say otherwise, so yes move forward.
Excellent.
So that's it. Now I just have to be sure I press on to meet with the finance person. My nurse keeps brushing it off, but I think its important that I sit down and actually go over everything and how much I'm going to be putting out. I think I have a right to know yes? I don't want to get a surprise bill in the mail.
I'll call the nurse in a day or two. Order the meds. And counting down the days till Feb 20th. This is it!
Confessions of a Grocrey Store Clerk
It was incredibly busy at the grocery store yesterday. Saturday not so much. Why do people wait until the very last minute to go get food before a "big" snow storm?
The weather-people were calling for upwards of 8+ inches to fall from Sunday night through Monday morning (this morning). Woke up.... and nothing... though my day job already called a 2 hour delay which was so nice to sleep in after working till 11 both Saturday and last night. They're now calling for snow tonight. Which means it will be probably crazy again tonight too. We'll see. I don't trust anyone, not even my app.
So, on to my confessions. Much like flight attendants, I have a few points I'd like to vent. I'm giving you an inside look at what its like to be a grocery store clerk. By no means do I want to offend anyone, so please don't take it that way. I live in the boon-docks, so these are special people anyways.
Ok, so picture this. The parking lot is full, and there are a TON of people shopping, and all of the lines are like 6 deep. We have all of our working registers open. We're doing the best we can.
Ok? So.. here we go:
1) If you see there is a long line, and I'm going as fast as I can. Don't just stand there and watch me bag all your stuff and have it pile up at the end of the register. Then expect me to place all of those groceries in your basket. Get your bagged items and place them in your basket!! This is not a full service food lion. I'll take your money and you can go on about your day. And have your money ready to go. Again, there is 6 people behind you huffing and puffing. You don't have time to fumble around in your purse. OH!!! And get your hands out my space. If you would like the bag the items yourself, go ahead. But stop taking the items out of the bag and into another. I have got a system in my head on what to bag with what. I'm the EXPERT.
2) Also, while I'm frantically trying to bag efficiently don't stick your store savings card right in my face. GIVE ME A SECOND! I'll get it at the end.
2) Know your EBT Balance, and come with cash to pay your balance. I don't judge you for being on food stamps via cash card. But don't get mad at me b/c you've run out of money after buying junk food and cigarettes then want to get cash back. I'm just a hard working American with 2 jobs.
3) Usually things with handles don't get bagged. If you want your milk in a bag, tell me. By the way. What is it with storms and milk? We ran out of milk for the 2nd time in 3 days. And banana's. weird.
4) Paying me via cash. Please, for the love of chocolate ice cream, DO NOT put your cash and coins on the belt.... that moves... you'll lose everything because I don't carry a screw driver in my back pocket to take the belt apart.
5) Don't get mad at me b/c your credit card is declined.
6) If you bring your own bags, pre-pare for them to be heavy if you want me to bag them for you while you .. again.. stand there and watch me. So annoying. I get wanting to save a tree. But man, those things are so annoying.
7) No, I don't see the water that you have at the bottom of the cart (again, line is 6 people deep, I'm moving fast). You have to tell me. Its your responsibility as a customer to put everything up on the belt or tell me whats left so that I can scan it. Or if you don't, then I guess you walk out of there with free water.
I think that's enough for now. I didn't have time to breath from 3 to almost 9:30. It was non-stop. Then some of the people I work with there, not teenagers this time, were complaining "omg I came in for this?" "oh, bo hoo, I'm working double shift today since they pressured me into it." Um, I don't think they pressured you into anything. You could have said "no." Its money in your pocket, your always complaining you don't have enough money. #somepeople.
Other than that my weekend was alright. It was kind of just chill. I thoroughly enjoyed my Friday night off and really didn't get up from the couch as planned.
Oh! and I still haven't heard back from the doctor about my thyroid levels. I'll be giving them a call later this afternoon. I'm THIS close to just going there to find out what the hang up is. I mean, how hard can a 5 min conversation be?
The weather-people were calling for upwards of 8+ inches to fall from Sunday night through Monday morning (this morning). Woke up.... and nothing... though my day job already called a 2 hour delay which was so nice to sleep in after working till 11 both Saturday and last night. They're now calling for snow tonight. Which means it will be probably crazy again tonight too. We'll see. I don't trust anyone, not even my app.
So, on to my confessions. Much like flight attendants, I have a few points I'd like to vent. I'm giving you an inside look at what its like to be a grocery store clerk. By no means do I want to offend anyone, so please don't take it that way. I live in the boon-docks, so these are special people anyways.
Ok, so picture this. The parking lot is full, and there are a TON of people shopping, and all of the lines are like 6 deep. We have all of our working registers open. We're doing the best we can.
Ok? So.. here we go:
1) If you see there is a long line, and I'm going as fast as I can. Don't just stand there and watch me bag all your stuff and have it pile up at the end of the register. Then expect me to place all of those groceries in your basket. Get your bagged items and place them in your basket!! This is not a full service food lion. I'll take your money and you can go on about your day. And have your money ready to go. Again, there is 6 people behind you huffing and puffing. You don't have time to fumble around in your purse. OH!!! And get your hands out my space. If you would like the bag the items yourself, go ahead. But stop taking the items out of the bag and into another. I have got a system in my head on what to bag with what. I'm the EXPERT.
2) Also, while I'm frantically trying to bag efficiently don't stick your store savings card right in my face. GIVE ME A SECOND! I'll get it at the end.
2) Know your EBT Balance, and come with cash to pay your balance. I don't judge you for being on food stamps via cash card. But don't get mad at me b/c you've run out of money after buying junk food and cigarettes then want to get cash back. I'm just a hard working American with 2 jobs.
3) Usually things with handles don't get bagged. If you want your milk in a bag, tell me. By the way. What is it with storms and milk? We ran out of milk for the 2nd time in 3 days. And banana's. weird.
4) Paying me via cash. Please, for the love of chocolate ice cream, DO NOT put your cash and coins on the belt.... that moves... you'll lose everything because I don't carry a screw driver in my back pocket to take the belt apart.
5) Don't get mad at me b/c your credit card is declined.
6) If you bring your own bags, pre-pare for them to be heavy if you want me to bag them for you while you .. again.. stand there and watch me. So annoying. I get wanting to save a tree. But man, those things are so annoying.
7) No, I don't see the water that you have at the bottom of the cart (again, line is 6 people deep, I'm moving fast). You have to tell me. Its your responsibility as a customer to put everything up on the belt or tell me whats left so that I can scan it. Or if you don't, then I guess you walk out of there with free water.
I think that's enough for now. I didn't have time to breath from 3 to almost 9:30. It was non-stop. Then some of the people I work with there, not teenagers this time, were complaining "omg I came in for this?" "oh, bo hoo, I'm working double shift today since they pressured me into it." Um, I don't think they pressured you into anything. You could have said "no." Its money in your pocket, your always complaining you don't have enough money. #somepeople.
Other than that my weekend was alright. It was kind of just chill. I thoroughly enjoyed my Friday night off and really didn't get up from the couch as planned.
Oh! and I still haven't heard back from the doctor about my thyroid levels. I'll be giving them a call later this afternoon. I'm THIS close to just going there to find out what the hang up is. I mean, how hard can a 5 min conversation be?
Friday, January 23, 2015
TGIF, Like.... For Real Though.
I was able to swing leaving early from the full time job at 2:30 and I don't have to work at job#2 tonight. So I've got my ice cream ready, a movie, and all things bravo TV all set in my DVR. I'm not moving from my couch the whole night. Even warned the husband. Not-getting-up.
I am SO excited to put sweatpants on, cuddle under the blanket with my furbies and just veg out.
In other news. I've stalked my regular endocrinologist. I've lost track on how many times I've called them today. If the RE got my results yesterday for a liver panel I had done (to check how I was handling max dose of metformin), then they should have gotten them too. (My liver is fine by the way, AND I'm not having any poopy (like, literally) side affects either - score!)
Ok. I just checked. I called 5 times in about 2 hours. I finally got a hold of the nurse, and she gave the message to the doctor.The doctor is swamped today (she's never not swamped, shes the best doctor in the area) so I might not get the phone call back until late today or even Monday. I re-iterated how important this phone call was. This was the 'yay' or 'nay' on starting fertility treatments. That I must know by Monday at the latest, b/c I'm supposed to be started my cycle on wed - at which time I call my RE Nurse to order all the meds, so then start medicated cycle Feb 20th.
I'm sorry for the really long run on sentence I just had there. Picturing me saying it really long with out taking a breath. Because that's how I typed it.
uuuuuggghhhh I hate waiting.
Good news for the day thus far. So, job#2 is standing on my feet for 6-8 hours right? I originally bought cheap walmart shoes, and my feet hurt so bad I could hardly stand at the end of the night. I placed an order with sketchers and my new shoes should be here on Monday!
Want to hear a story? I've got a few of them.
ok, so the grocery store closes at 11, and this older man comes running in and asks when we close. I said in about 5 min. He said he needed dog food. Me being a huge dog lover I said, go for it! I'll hang out here till your done. He looked immediately relieved.
So he comes up to my register, and explains that he'd been in the hospital with this wife all day. He came home to feed his dog and he didn't have any dog food. awwwwwwwww. I said I was glad I could help out, and that I hoped everything was ok. He looked like he was going to cry and said that he thanked me, and that the little guy thanked me to. So sweet.
The other night, there was this little old lady who wanted to pay for her groceries with a check. Then behind her was a couple that looked like that had about 500 dollars worth of groceries waiting. The old lady's check didn't go through, and the guy (who is a big muscular guy, who you would probably judge as being mean and pushy), whipped out a 20.00 bill and gave it to the old lady and said "please let me pay for this." The old lady wasn't having it, so he gave the money to the cashier (beside me) directly and she took and paid for the groceries. That was so sweet, I cried.
Anything going on in your weekend? Me? oh I just have to work sat & sun 3-11. At least I get to sleep in. We're supposed to get more snow, so the grocery store will either be really busy or really slow. Then I want to help the husband with finishing up demo'ing the fire place. We're almost done! We're discussing floors... but we'll wait to see what our tax return will look like. More waiting!
I'm probably going to give my 1st born furbie a bath too. He stinks so bad and he so fluffy right now.
Let me see if I can get those pictures working.. it will be neat to see what happens in this space.
I am SO excited to put sweatpants on, cuddle under the blanket with my furbies and just veg out.
In other news. I've stalked my regular endocrinologist. I've lost track on how many times I've called them today. If the RE got my results yesterday for a liver panel I had done (to check how I was handling max dose of metformin), then they should have gotten them too. (My liver is fine by the way, AND I'm not having any poopy (like, literally) side affects either - score!)
Ok. I just checked. I called 5 times in about 2 hours. I finally got a hold of the nurse, and she gave the message to the doctor.The doctor is swamped today (she's never not swamped, shes the best doctor in the area) so I might not get the phone call back until late today or even Monday. I re-iterated how important this phone call was. This was the 'yay' or 'nay' on starting fertility treatments. That I must know by Monday at the latest, b/c I'm supposed to be started my cycle on wed - at which time I call my RE Nurse to order all the meds, so then start medicated cycle Feb 20th.
I'm sorry for the really long run on sentence I just had there. Picturing me saying it really long with out taking a breath. Because that's how I typed it.
uuuuuggghhhh I hate waiting.
Good news for the day thus far. So, job#2 is standing on my feet for 6-8 hours right? I originally bought cheap walmart shoes, and my feet hurt so bad I could hardly stand at the end of the night. I placed an order with sketchers and my new shoes should be here on Monday!
Want to hear a story? I've got a few of them.
ok, so the grocery store closes at 11, and this older man comes running in and asks when we close. I said in about 5 min. He said he needed dog food. Me being a huge dog lover I said, go for it! I'll hang out here till your done. He looked immediately relieved.
So he comes up to my register, and explains that he'd been in the hospital with this wife all day. He came home to feed his dog and he didn't have any dog food. awwwwwwwww. I said I was glad I could help out, and that I hoped everything was ok. He looked like he was going to cry and said that he thanked me, and that the little guy thanked me to. So sweet.
The other night, there was this little old lady who wanted to pay for her groceries with a check. Then behind her was a couple that looked like that had about 500 dollars worth of groceries waiting. The old lady's check didn't go through, and the guy (who is a big muscular guy, who you would probably judge as being mean and pushy), whipped out a 20.00 bill and gave it to the old lady and said "please let me pay for this." The old lady wasn't having it, so he gave the money to the cashier (beside me) directly and she took and paid for the groceries. That was so sweet, I cried.
Anything going on in your weekend? Me? oh I just have to work sat & sun 3-11. At least I get to sleep in. We're supposed to get more snow, so the grocery store will either be really busy or really slow. Then I want to help the husband with finishing up demo'ing the fire place. We're almost done! We're discussing floors... but we'll wait to see what our tax return will look like. More waiting!
I'm probably going to give my 1st born furbie a bath too. He stinks so bad and he so fluffy right now.
Let me see if I can get those pictures working.. it will be neat to see what happens in this space.
 |
| Wall surrounding the fire place removed, and exposed the brick. |
 |
| It's about 75% completed here, at this point the black part has been taken out and we're close the the floor with just a few layers of bricks. We'll have to close in the ceiling, and figure out what do to about the floor until we can afford to replace it all through out the house. I'm hoping, where you see the wall now that I can fit in a "barn" door to separate out the spaces since that will become my office space, or my "me" space. |
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| My fluffy Furbaby.
|
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
I.am.so.tired.
So its been 3 weeks into having two jobs. And today I'm pretty exhausted. Yes... I know, I signed up for this, and I even asked for more hours. But I'm falling asleep as I'm writing this post. I think the past couple of days have been the hardest. I worked Friday-all day-both jobs. Then Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and yesterday both jobs till 10. Then I had to wake up and be in town for my blood test at 6:30 am.
I'm tired. But the extra paycheck will be worth it. I fear that my medical spending card will run out to quickly. And I cant have this be the reason to stop now. Plus, I might need a new car, helping out with projects on the house that have to get done. (I have pictures of our recent project below!)
Oh the grocery store clerk thing is working out just fine. Though I already have lots of stories, I could probably start another blog. I guess its more of a generational things, and that I'm also an adult. The main core of employees there are teenagers. I'm very happy that I'm well past that stage. Its annoying. But I digress. I'll share some of these stories another time. #grocreystorechronicles.
So this blood test I got, is checking out where my thyroid levels are at. I'm hoping to hear from the doctors by the end of this week, or I'll be calling them. I can not move forward with any infertility treatments until I get the green light from my regular endocrinologist. If I don't, I'll be diving into a pint of ice cream. Them promptly getting on the treadmill.
Once I get the green light, I call my nurse to order the meds. And I still have yet to hear from the financial person. Then we'll be on our way to starting our 1st cycle apx Feb 20th. It doesn't seem real yet. I think, once that 1st needle goes in I'll feel how real it really is.
ok, so I'm pretty sure I'll be closing my office door at lunch and taking a nap. I'm just staring at the screen.
So this current project we're working on is taking out the fire place. My husband is amazing. This area will turn into my office area and I hope to do a barn door in there somewhere to separate out the spaces. Then we'll move onto to finishing the living room (i.e. finishing drywall, painting, etc). We might even end up doing new flooring -depending on how our tax return looks like.
The black portion of the fire place is now taken out and its just a few small layers of bricks. I also slipped in there my furbabies.
I'm tired. But the extra paycheck will be worth it. I fear that my medical spending card will run out to quickly. And I cant have this be the reason to stop now. Plus, I might need a new car, helping out with projects on the house that have to get done. (I have pictures of our recent project below!)
Oh the grocery store clerk thing is working out just fine. Though I already have lots of stories, I could probably start another blog. I guess its more of a generational things, and that I'm also an adult. The main core of employees there are teenagers. I'm very happy that I'm well past that stage. Its annoying. But I digress. I'll share some of these stories another time. #grocreystorechronicles.
So this blood test I got, is checking out where my thyroid levels are at. I'm hoping to hear from the doctors by the end of this week, or I'll be calling them. I can not move forward with any infertility treatments until I get the green light from my regular endocrinologist. If I don't, I'll be diving into a pint of ice cream. Them promptly getting on the treadmill.
Once I get the green light, I call my nurse to order the meds. And I still have yet to hear from the financial person. Then we'll be on our way to starting our 1st cycle apx Feb 20th. It doesn't seem real yet. I think, once that 1st needle goes in I'll feel how real it really is.
ok, so I'm pretty sure I'll be closing my office door at lunch and taking a nap. I'm just staring at the screen.
So this current project we're working on is taking out the fire place. My husband is amazing. This area will turn into my office area and I hope to do a barn door in there somewhere to separate out the spaces. Then we'll move onto to finishing the living room (i.e. finishing drywall, painting, etc). We might even end up doing new flooring -depending on how our tax return looks like.
The black portion of the fire place is now taken out and its just a few small layers of bricks. I also slipped in there my furbabies.
*ok, I cant get the fire place pictures to work, perhaps I'll try again later. The Director of finance just gently reminded me of the deadline that I have, so I must get to work!!*
Until we meet again, have a wonderful day :)
Friday, January 16, 2015
Hey Friday, Nice to See You Again
I would say TGIF, but I have to work my second job tonight until 11. But at least I get to sleep in tomorrow. I think. If bricks aren't flying everywhere.
My DH is starting to freak out a little bit that our treatments are (hopefully) starting in about a month. All of the "what if's" thoughts are starting to find their way into his head, and all of the half done projects around are house are becoming obvious to-do's "need to get this done before baby arrives." We have all of these half done projects because he was in b/t some of them on each of those back surgeries. And I'm not good with a hammer, so I couldn't help much. So now its rush time.
When we fist bought our house we had to completely renovate the whole thing (it used to be a friut stand). Floor to ceiling. And we did it all ourselves. Good to know I have a handy husband. But be careful what you wish for. We rushed some of the projects so some of them need to re-done. So in my DH mind "if I need to replace the outlet, I should probably take out the wall (how else to get to the electric?), well... if I take out that wall I could probably take out that other wall and make our bedroom bigger. Well heck, if I'm doing that, misewell enclose the hallway and REALLY make our bedroom bigger." I'm out in California on a business trip and I call home.. "wucha doing?".. DH: "oh.. you know, just working on the house..." I get home... and the living room and our bedroom were all one room (because there were no walls left). Wires hanging from the ceiling.. everything is in disarray. I was only gone a week. >deep breath< This is the kind of things my DH does. Another time, he had the day off work and decided that he didn't like the way the kitchen cabinets looked. So he took all of them off and re-arranged them (but now they really don't make sense and our counter top is in pieces) in ONE DAY!
We've begun to demo the fire place in our living room. In one of the many attempts to fix the once leaking roof (and I mean leaking, buckets everywhere, i.e Beverly hillbillies) DH and his dad took out the chimney last year along with building a new roof. So now all that is left is the actual fire place that was built in the 50's and is huge (5x3!! and full of brick). Its going to be messy, and I hope we can tackle it in the next few weeks.
Then, its the bathroom. I'm getting so many ideas from that show 'Fixer Upper.' Joanna has my sense of style. I fancy myself quite the interior decorator.
I kind of like focusing on these project's because it takes the focus on our upcoming treatments. If its one thing I have learned, and am still struggling with is taking one step at a time. Even just making the appointment to get my blood drawn was exciting. I had mentioned earlier that I emailed my nurse, so she called me yesterday. I don't need to make an appointment for ordering the drugs, I'll just have to call her when I start my next cycle and she'll order everything. I'll just have to go pick them up. But I keep insisting that I meet with a finance coordinator. I did receive a packet with a pathetic outline of cost's, but I need more details. I need to know exactly what my treatments are going to cost so that I can prepare for them. That's not to much to ask is it?
The nurse also snuck in there.. "you know they'll be weighing you before you start your treatment right? you need to make sure your BMI is where it needs to be." STING! Now, I am by no means hugely over weight, but I can stand to lose probably about 30 pounds. Its all my tummy region. I have several things fighting against me. My dumb stupid thyroid that in this past year went from grossly under active, to highly overactive. huh? how does that even happen? Then having PCOS on top of that with the insulin resistance and all that jazz. Its always been hard to really lose the weight.
Still staying on this low carb thing and I'm holding steady at 10 pounds lost since the beginning of Jan. I need to start working out. I used to be an avid runner, 5/10k's, 10 milers.. then I just stopped cold turkey in 2013 (i.e. the WORST year of my entire life). So I have about a month left to lose another 10 pounds safely so I can prove it to the nurse ha! see? I lost weight.
I'm reluctant about signing up for a race b/c "what if" I get pregnant my first treated cycle? Or "what if" I don't.. So I think I'll just train as if I am going to race, and perhaps just sign up late or the day of. Races in the spring are hard to train for because its hard to get outside when its below freezing. I am desperately checking my weather app looking for days showing 40 or above. Sadly, more precipitation (snow, ice) is headed our way.
I'm losing my focus here. I'm listening to 90's pop hits on pandora and the backstreet boys just came on. How great were the 90s?? I'm this close to belting out "I want it thaaaaaaaat waaaaay." Or lets say "I want a baaaaaaabaaaay" hehe.
I'll end this post with some humor. Wish me luck on controlling my husbands construction add, and the budget that goes with it. Have a wonderful weekend!
My DH is starting to freak out a little bit that our treatments are (hopefully) starting in about a month. All of the "what if's" thoughts are starting to find their way into his head, and all of the half done projects around are house are becoming obvious to-do's "need to get this done before baby arrives." We have all of these half done projects because he was in b/t some of them on each of those back surgeries. And I'm not good with a hammer, so I couldn't help much. So now its rush time.
When we fist bought our house we had to completely renovate the whole thing (it used to be a friut stand). Floor to ceiling. And we did it all ourselves. Good to know I have a handy husband. But be careful what you wish for. We rushed some of the projects so some of them need to re-done. So in my DH mind "if I need to replace the outlet, I should probably take out the wall (how else to get to the electric?), well... if I take out that wall I could probably take out that other wall and make our bedroom bigger. Well heck, if I'm doing that, misewell enclose the hallway and REALLY make our bedroom bigger." I'm out in California on a business trip and I call home.. "wucha doing?".. DH: "oh.. you know, just working on the house..." I get home... and the living room and our bedroom were all one room (because there were no walls left). Wires hanging from the ceiling.. everything is in disarray. I was only gone a week. >deep breath< This is the kind of things my DH does. Another time, he had the day off work and decided that he didn't like the way the kitchen cabinets looked. So he took all of them off and re-arranged them (but now they really don't make sense and our counter top is in pieces) in ONE DAY!
We've begun to demo the fire place in our living room. In one of the many attempts to fix the once leaking roof (and I mean leaking, buckets everywhere, i.e Beverly hillbillies) DH and his dad took out the chimney last year along with building a new roof. So now all that is left is the actual fire place that was built in the 50's and is huge (5x3!! and full of brick). Its going to be messy, and I hope we can tackle it in the next few weeks.
Then, its the bathroom. I'm getting so many ideas from that show 'Fixer Upper.' Joanna has my sense of style. I fancy myself quite the interior decorator.
I kind of like focusing on these project's because it takes the focus on our upcoming treatments. If its one thing I have learned, and am still struggling with is taking one step at a time. Even just making the appointment to get my blood drawn was exciting. I had mentioned earlier that I emailed my nurse, so she called me yesterday. I don't need to make an appointment for ordering the drugs, I'll just have to call her when I start my next cycle and she'll order everything. I'll just have to go pick them up. But I keep insisting that I meet with a finance coordinator. I did receive a packet with a pathetic outline of cost's, but I need more details. I need to know exactly what my treatments are going to cost so that I can prepare for them. That's not to much to ask is it?
The nurse also snuck in there.. "you know they'll be weighing you before you start your treatment right? you need to make sure your BMI is where it needs to be." STING! Now, I am by no means hugely over weight, but I can stand to lose probably about 30 pounds. Its all my tummy region. I have several things fighting against me. My dumb stupid thyroid that in this past year went from grossly under active, to highly overactive. huh? how does that even happen? Then having PCOS on top of that with the insulin resistance and all that jazz. Its always been hard to really lose the weight.
Still staying on this low carb thing and I'm holding steady at 10 pounds lost since the beginning of Jan. I need to start working out. I used to be an avid runner, 5/10k's, 10 milers.. then I just stopped cold turkey in 2013 (i.e. the WORST year of my entire life). So I have about a month left to lose another 10 pounds safely so I can prove it to the nurse ha! see? I lost weight.
I'm reluctant about signing up for a race b/c "what if" I get pregnant my first treated cycle? Or "what if" I don't.. So I think I'll just train as if I am going to race, and perhaps just sign up late or the day of. Races in the spring are hard to train for because its hard to get outside when its below freezing. I am desperately checking my weather app looking for days showing 40 or above. Sadly, more precipitation (snow, ice) is headed our way.
I'm losing my focus here. I'm listening to 90's pop hits on pandora and the backstreet boys just came on. How great were the 90s?? I'm this close to belting out "I want it thaaaaaaaat waaaaay." Or lets say "I want a baaaaaaabaaaay" hehe.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Random Thoughts For a Rainey MUN-day
So, in case you didn't know - its January. In January, its cold. Now... we're Mid-Atlantic region and last winter it was horribly cold. This winter season so far, I feel as though we have been kind of lucky. Only one snow storm, and this morning was ice. Excuse me a second while I go knock on wood...
...... ok..... so I didn't think it was really going to be much of a storm, but it was enough to have a 2 hour delay of work. It was so nice to sleep in. I like taking my time to get ready for work/my day without having to rush. And the roads were not bad at all, like my previous post.
How was your weekend? I always have such high hopes of getting so much accomplished, then it never happens. Friday I stayed "late" at work and by late, I mean staying till 5:00. Its still kind of weird for me to say that staying till 5:00pm is late.
Just a few short months ago I was working a job that was soo horrible I can not imagine how my life would have been like had I stayed there longer than I did. You've heard of micromanagement right? Well I had the nazi version of that for a manager.
That place really made me go crazy. So I now work for a local county government that got some global attention last week, and it was HILARIOUS. Check out the #kirbydelauter story. So, these county ladies are serious about their time, and they all leave 4:00 on.the.dot. So when I stay till 5:00 its a ghost town around here, and I'm usually the last to leave. I'm trying to beef up my comp time, because our protocol is kind of around the corner, and I'm going to need to use time off, but I don't want to use any sick leave or vacation. This is because I am a rather new employee and don't have much time ACCRUED. (If its one thing I did learn from my last job, its how to spell accrued haha!). So if I were to get pregnant the 1st cycle, then I would need as much time as possible to supplement a full paycheck from short term disability (i.e. maternity leave).
Back to my weekend, friday night was a good night. I have 2 more cycles left to try on my own. And friday night was a "try" night *wink*. Saturday was cleaning.. and then I had to work my second job till 10pm. My DH couldn't stay awake, so no trying. Sunday was a "blah" day.. didn't do much of anything, and to top it off DH and I got on each others nerves and had a small tiff of a fight and didn't "try" that night either.. tonight is the last night of trying and I'm determined to do it! Pun intended.
I just emailed my nurse to see when I should schedule my follow up apt to order the drugs, etc & I also want to meet with the finance coordinator. I want to make sure I understand every penny that I'll be putting out. I may have said this before, or in my other blog; insurance is covering this at 95% which is pretty gosh darn amazing and I'm so lucky and blessed to have this coverage. But, I'm not sure what that 5% means for me. So, if the drugs, etc will cost upwards of 3,000 (from what I've been researching, I could be totally wrong) then that 5% means 150.00+co pays at every monitoring+blood work cost's+gas to get to&from. So all of that, for each cycle. From what I understand, we're only doing 2 medicated cycles, then 2 IUI's then IVF. Insurance wont cover the freezing & storage, so there's about 2,000 out of pocket too. And of course this is all before baby! whew! Kind of intense.
Assuming my thyroid levels have.. leveled out I'm tentatively going to be starting my protocol Feb 20th. I cant help but think how these last 3 months have really flown by, and continue to do so!
With that said, I don't have much else going on. I hope to start a workout regime soon. I'm doing quite well on this low carb lifestyle change and have already lost 8lbs. I have a fitbit, perhaps I could actually take it seriously and get in 10,000 steps.
...... ok..... so I didn't think it was really going to be much of a storm, but it was enough to have a 2 hour delay of work. It was so nice to sleep in. I like taking my time to get ready for work/my day without having to rush. And the roads were not bad at all, like my previous post.
How was your weekend? I always have such high hopes of getting so much accomplished, then it never happens. Friday I stayed "late" at work and by late, I mean staying till 5:00. Its still kind of weird for me to say that staying till 5:00pm is late.
Just a few short months ago I was working a job that was soo horrible I can not imagine how my life would have been like had I stayed there longer than I did. You've heard of micromanagement right? Well I had the nazi version of that for a manager.
That place really made me go crazy. So I now work for a local county government that got some global attention last week, and it was HILARIOUS. Check out the #kirbydelauter story. So, these county ladies are serious about their time, and they all leave 4:00 on.the.dot. So when I stay till 5:00 its a ghost town around here, and I'm usually the last to leave. I'm trying to beef up my comp time, because our protocol is kind of around the corner, and I'm going to need to use time off, but I don't want to use any sick leave or vacation. This is because I am a rather new employee and don't have much time ACCRUED. (If its one thing I did learn from my last job, its how to spell accrued haha!). So if I were to get pregnant the 1st cycle, then I would need as much time as possible to supplement a full paycheck from short term disability (i.e. maternity leave).
Back to my weekend, friday night was a good night. I have 2 more cycles left to try on my own. And friday night was a "try" night *wink*. Saturday was cleaning.. and then I had to work my second job till 10pm. My DH couldn't stay awake, so no trying. Sunday was a "blah" day.. didn't do much of anything, and to top it off DH and I got on each others nerves and had a small tiff of a fight and didn't "try" that night either.. tonight is the last night of trying and I'm determined to do it! Pun intended.
I just emailed my nurse to see when I should schedule my follow up apt to order the drugs, etc & I also want to meet with the finance coordinator. I want to make sure I understand every penny that I'll be putting out. I may have said this before, or in my other blog; insurance is covering this at 95% which is pretty gosh darn amazing and I'm so lucky and blessed to have this coverage. But, I'm not sure what that 5% means for me. So, if the drugs, etc will cost upwards of 3,000 (from what I've been researching, I could be totally wrong) then that 5% means 150.00+co pays at every monitoring+blood work cost's+gas to get to&from. So all of that, for each cycle. From what I understand, we're only doing 2 medicated cycles, then 2 IUI's then IVF. Insurance wont cover the freezing & storage, so there's about 2,000 out of pocket too. And of course this is all before baby! whew! Kind of intense.
Assuming my thyroid levels have.. leveled out I'm tentatively going to be starting my protocol Feb 20th. I cant help but think how these last 3 months have really flown by, and continue to do so!
With that said, I don't have much else going on. I hope to start a workout regime soon. I'm doing quite well on this low carb lifestyle change and have already lost 8lbs. I have a fitbit, perhaps I could actually take it seriously and get in 10,000 steps.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Just Begining
I dunno. I have this feeling of uneasiness and anxiousness right now. I've just finished reading some other blogs, and even though I should feel comforted, I don't. At least not right now. I think today is a 'bad' day. My thoughts and emotions are getting the best out of me. Out of all the blogs I read (side note, I should give some blog love and set up a list.. will work on that, because I love all of you!), no one seems to be in the spot that I am in (haven't started treatments yet). And some of you have babies. Which is amazing, and I love to hear it. I love it when there are so many success stories, which is why I am prone to read them all. I think its because sometimes I just get really overwhelmed with this and its so easy to get down on yourself.
I am patiently (huffing and puffing) waiting to go get my blood tested to see if my thyroid is agreeing with the new dosage. I can not move forward with treatments until my overactive thyroid has settled down. If it doesn't. I'm pretty sure I'm going to break down. I feel like I've been waiting so long, why can't this be the easy part?
#Idigress
So, we're 6 days into the new year, which means another year older. I mean, I really freaked out when I turned 30 (I'm 31 now, 32 in June). I thought FOR-SURE I would have had at least one child by now. My husband and I have never once (well.. the 1st time then half way through took it off) protection. I've never been on birth control. And have never once, even had "the scare." My mind cant help but wander.. is it really going to happen, how long will it take, will it happen on the first cycle because God knows I've waited 11 years for this?
Now, with that said. I am truly hopeful, I really feel like this is the year. I was even kind of excited that it is finally 2015. I just know it. I want to be telling you my crazy stories about clomid, and how bad the needles hurt and my new nick name for 'the wand' - which will be "the magic wand."
Moving on...
Ugh, you guys. Today it snowed, and you'd think there is 5 feet of snow (it was only like 2 or 3 inches) the way the roads were. I was over 2 hours late for work -here is what my little tiny two door car drove through this morning. And now I get to drive home in it. I'm hoping they've cleared off by now. Snow is nothing new for this area.
I am patiently (huffing and puffing) waiting to go get my blood tested to see if my thyroid is agreeing with the new dosage. I can not move forward with treatments until my overactive thyroid has settled down. If it doesn't. I'm pretty sure I'm going to break down. I feel like I've been waiting so long, why can't this be the easy part?
#Idigress
So, we're 6 days into the new year, which means another year older. I mean, I really freaked out when I turned 30 (I'm 31 now, 32 in June). I thought FOR-SURE I would have had at least one child by now. My husband and I have never once (well.. the 1st time then half way through took it off) protection. I've never been on birth control. And have never once, even had "the scare." My mind cant help but wander.. is it really going to happen, how long will it take, will it happen on the first cycle because God knows I've waited 11 years for this?
Now, with that said. I am truly hopeful, I really feel like this is the year. I was even kind of excited that it is finally 2015. I just know it. I want to be telling you my crazy stories about clomid, and how bad the needles hurt and my new nick name for 'the wand' - which will be "the magic wand."
Moving on...
Ugh, you guys. Today it snowed, and you'd think there is 5 feet of snow (it was only like 2 or 3 inches) the way the roads were. I was over 2 hours late for work -here is what my little tiny two door car drove through this morning. And now I get to drive home in it. I'm hoping they've cleared off by now. Snow is nothing new for this area.
So what else is new. I started the low carb 'life style' thing to try and lose some of this gut. I'll keep you updated on that. I'm loosely following the Atkins diet. I'm not sure I can go that extreme, but I know if I lower my carb intake, and keep my protein high it will be fine.
I started my 2nd job last night at the g-store. It was mostly just training videos and stuff. My next shift is tomorrow, and I actually get to scan food! Exciting stuff.
I guess that's about it for now. Oh, by the way. I'm CD3 *sad face* another cycle gone by.
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