12w4d Perinatal Visit/Scan & Other Thoughts

I tried to write this post yesterday, but usually after these appointments my head is just spinning. Monday I had a visit with the perinatal doctor. I didn't really understand what this visit would entail, so I'm glad I didn't know they were going do to the scan, and measure the back of the neck for any sign of downs. But as soon as I knew it, I started to stress - just a little bit because of course the tech is doing all of the measurements and not saying anything, you get worried. Then ending with "the doctor will be in to see you shortly."
So lets rewind. I had to have my bladder full for this appointment, and that was uncomfortable. My DH and I got there a little earlier, so I sat in the waiting room for almost 40 min needing to pee so bad. The tech was really great, explaining everything along the way. She went nice and slow. Both babies were moving all around and she was all around my stomach with that goo, I might as well just taken my shirt off.
I had a dream that one of them didn't have any legs, so she found both babies had legs, arms, hands and feet. The doctor comes in and starts reviewing my case, and tells me to start taking iron on top of everything else. Having twins, I'm at risk for just about everything. My main concern is gestational diabetes. He recommended a high protein diet, and lower carbs. I knew it was coming, so after the new year I'll have to adjust my diet. Right now, its really just been about what will stay down. Lots of pasta and ice cream, pizza. I haven't gained any weight - so that's good. Good b/c I'm already over 200lbs, so my total weight gain shouldn't get above 20 extra pounds. I imagine I'll start gaining soon as they get bigger in the next 4-6 weeks.
Scan is done, and doctor says everything looks just great. I'm having di di twins (dichorionic diamniotic). Which are apparently the best kind of twins to have, less complications. And the scan of the neck should be between 1 and 3mm and both babies were 1.7. Perfect.

Good news and bad news. Because I possibly might have maybe had a procedure called a leep procedure when I was in high school (just over 15 years ago and they don't have any records of it anymore), they want to keep a close eye on the cervix. So that means I will be seeing the perinatal doctor and getting a sonogram every two weeks until 24 weeks! But.. if my cervix starts to shorten then I'll have to get it stitched up. I honestly don't see that happening. But at least I'll get to see my babies every two weeks.

Other thoughts-
I've seen a few posts of yours about the Christmas holiday with thoughts and feelings, so I wanted to share mine too. Though this Christmas is so different from all my Christmas's before, I remember what it was like to go through a holiday feeling alone. It was a rough start for me at my clinic in November of last year. After going through a little bit more testing than the average infertile, there was a polyp found and needed to be removed, and was done right before thanksgiving. So while my family was eating and enjoying company and drinking. I was stuck at home on the couch in some pain, and still not pregnant. About two weeks later I learned that my thyroid was way out of whack and my doctor changed my dosage and wanted me to wait 9-12 weeks before starting an actual treated cycle. I was so upset. After getting so amped up from getting through all the test, having the polyp removed - I was ready to go. Gimmie that clomid!  This meant, yet another Christmas no pregnant and probably not have started any sort of treatment till almost February. I almost didn't want to participate in any family gatherings because I was just to upset. At my Gram's house, there are a TON of babies, I just didn't think I could do it. But I used the opportunity to spread the word about what I was going through. No one, no one in my family has ever had to go through this. I wanted them to see where we were coming from.

ps. bringing a whole bag of Hershey kisses to work was a bad idea. 'tis the season!

ok - so during Christmas eve my cousin really wanted me to hold the newest newborn and I just didn't want to. She made a really big deal about holding the baby, HOLD THE BABY KIM! IT MIGHT BRING YOU GOOD LUCK. I got up fro my chair and went to the kitchen to hide my tears. My 'dad' then started on me. "You shouldn't be messing with this kind of science. Maybe God doesn't want you to have babies, maybe that's why your not able to have any, your going to end up with a "retard kid." Even his girlfriend chimed in and said "yea, you know, you might end up with like 6 kids. You don't want that do you?"
Saying these things in front of my family on Christmas Eve for heavens sake!!, completely embarrassing me. My dh wanted to punch him in the face. But we got through that night, and I went home and was a complete mess all Christmas long. My husband was really my rock through this time. I just kept focusing on the future, and wanting so badly for 2015 to start.

They may not say it much, or tell you how their feeling, but your family loves you so much and probably thinks about you more times in the day than what to eat for dinner. You are in a lot of people's prayers, even though you may not have your story out there yet. I hope you can feel the love. And let me add myself to your list. You are a sister from another mister to me. Going through treatments, disappointments, etc make us such a special breed of people that we can get through anything. I hope that you also have the love of the Lord on your side. It took me awhile to come back into his arms. And sometimes I still struggle with letting go and letting God. But when I did, miracles happen and they are still happening. I want that for all of you. Know that you are in my prayers and my thoughts.

We're almost there. I'll leave you with a peek of da'babies.
I hope that each of you have a wonderful Christmas. Take the time that you need to yourself, or lean on your husband. Focus on what you do have. And what could be possible for this next year. This year for sure, I've lived by a saying "it will happen the way its supposed to."

Leaving the best for last. These are copies of pictures, its hard to see. I'll have to start playing around with my printer at home to see if I can make better copies.

12w 4 days. They are each about 3" long rear to head. 

His little hand is by his nose. We keep calling him a 'he.' :)

   

I have big deadline at work, so I most likely wont be able write much until after Christmas, maybe Christmas day since I plan on being home most of the day and its my only day off really.
so until then -
With much LOVE  <3

Moving Right Along....

We had our 1st OB appointment yesterday. So much information to process, and it still feels unreal to me. I almost didn't know how to respond when people kept telling me 'congratulations.'

1st was the sonogram, and it was on the belly!! I was fully prepared to get my feet in the stirrups, but the tech was like, um what are you waiting for? get on the table. So that was a nice change of pace. No more Dr.Stick!
She pressed kind of hard down on the lower abdomen and we immediately saw them. And they were both moving around this time, almost like reacting to the push they are getting by putting up their little hands like "what they heck lady?"  I guess it was because it was belly time, we couldn't really see the familiar flicker on the screen, but he did HEAR it! It was amazing glorious everything. I just don't even know what to think. I'm just stunned, but I'm so happy. And of course she doesn't really let us stop and stare at them, it was picture -measure-done. Can I tell them to slow down?
My subchorionic hemorrhage is almost gone too! Down to 1 cm which is great. I haven't had any bleeding/spotting for a while, so I hope its almost over.

Then we met with the ob/nurse coordinator. She was nice. A bunch of questions, and I had some in return. Got a whole lotta paperwork to read through about all the testing. I touched on them in 2 of the books I'm reading, but I need to go back and really take notes.

Every time I would make an appointment at this practice, it would be with a different doctor. So after the nurse, we went on to the pap part (ugh) and met one of the doctors. I really liked her, and she smelled good.
Overall it was a good experience. I forgot snacks, so I was already starving afterwards and had a small headache.

Because I'm having twins, I'll be high risk. So I made an appointment with the high risk/perinatal doctor for the 21st, and I'll get to see my babies again. I have an appointment with the thyroid doc next Friday, and I still need to see my gastroenterology doc. Oy Vey.  

So, the babies. Are measuring 2 days ahead now and my due date has been moved three times now. From July 4th, to July 2nd, and now June 30th. And I turned 11 weeks today-instead of on Saturday. Which is fine by me. Also means, that as of next week I'm in my 12th week! It's so hard to imagine. I'm not really showing yet. I kind of already have a tummy from being, um... curvy. So I don't know when I'll actually start to have pregnancy belly. So until, no belly pics from me - sorry! I can definitely tell the uterus is getting harder.

Symptoms:

• Headaches galore. 
• Boobs hurt and they are growing. 
• Small morning sickness. Tooth past bothers me, I threw up in the shower (cause I brush my teeth in the shower). Banana's now bother me. The director of finance saw me running out of the office area and into the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, so she of course knows. There are a few people in the office that know, but not everyone. 
• Tired. All.of.the.time.

And here they are: 10w 6days

#MicroblogMondays - There's Always That One

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too. 

There's always that one at your work place, retail and professional setting in my case. One that you just can't stand, or don't get a long with. The one who is out to get you, for no apparent reason. I even woke up with a headache this morning because (I call her the wicked witch of the west) she is just so evil, and I'm not entirely not sure how she's still employed.
I've mentioned her before, but last night she went in for a power play. And because I'm pregnant, I go so angry that I just cried, so she saw weakness when I really wanted to ring her neck with register tape. I'm giving myself a few more months at this job (job #2) before I quit, and it will be then where I'll get to say my peace, and boy I will. I imagine an epic show down, and I'll walk out the door and pretend to drop the imaginary mic. ha!

However, in a professional stetting you'd think there would be more of a political correctness. Well, not with this one. I call this one 'Queen B' (for Queen B*tch). She just thinks she runs the show. When in reality, huny you order supplies, and make copies of things. Lately shes been giving me problems. I have never done anything to this women, yet she seems to be threatens by me in some way. The latest episode was that there was a soda that exploded in the freezer. I just happened to have discovered this treasure and thought I'd be nice and start to clean it up. Well that just made me guilty and obviously I was the one who drank orange soda and I was trying to clean up my mess. WRONG. But she tired to blame me anyways. After going up and down the hallway asking everyone "WHO DRINKS ORANGE SODA????" She came to me as the conclusion. So I had to come out of the pregnancy closet and say, "No dear, it wasn't me. I don't drink soda any more because I'm pregnant!" She just kind of looked at me was like "oh."   No apology, no nothing.  And then went on with her buisness. She did her deed with spreading it around that it was me, but didnt do anythign to correct it. So I did. And I made her look like the fool she is. A few people knew I was pregnant and didn't beleive her. But now, (then at 8 1/2 weeks) everyone knows I'm pregnant when I wanted to keep it a secret until I started to show. I didn't want to go through the embarrassment of maybe losing them or one of them and then having to tell everyone again, like last time.

I'd love to hear your stories. Maybe come up with a support group to deal with these types of women. They're just awful.

Keeping this short and sweet, perhaps I'll turn this into another series. "The One Stories."

Until Then - - Happy Monday :)

Graduation

I can hardly believe it. I'm filled with emotion today and I'm pregnant crying over everything. This morning was my last appointment with my clinic. I have graduated.
I'm not sure what this journey would bring when I started 'officially' with our clinic last year. I had a feeling I would end up pregnant, but I didn't know what kind of fights I would end up fighting in the war of infertility and how long of a battle it would be. This past year alone was a very difficult one. From a poylp, to thyroid issues, to miscarriage, to disappointment after disappointment. I just didn't know.
My miscarriage has affected me in ways I never knew they would. How much of a scar it has left. At least right now, it was only 8 months ago, I guess. You think your over it, and its in the past and your trying your best to have your head in the hear and now. But early in this pregnancy I woke up every morning in fear. Every time I went to the bathroom, fear. Every appointment I had was filled with anxiety until I saw those heartbeats. Would the next appointment show no heartbeat? Then to have that hemorrhage and scare me half to death. I thought it was over then. I would go in to the doctor's and it would be over, and I would have to try again. Could I even try again?

Today, at 9 weeks 4 days, everything is just wonderful. They're measuring perfect, with perfect little heartbeats. I still had anxiety this morning, probably b/c I'm still spotting (leftover's from the hem). But afterwards, I feel a lot more at ease, like maybe this will all be ok. Like "I'm going to make it."

I wasn't sure what to think about this appointment and the things that would happen. The sonographer (spelling?)  was sloppy this time and we got horrible pictures and videos, but we saw one of them MOVING!!!!  See mom? I'm here!  That filled my heart with so much love for these beings. (I'm crying now btw).
The appointment all together was quick. The doctor gave me a folder full of my paperwork and records, said "good luck" and we left. Just like that. I know that my doctor runs out of three different offices, and she's only in my office on Friday's. But I don't think my nurse was there either.
Just after lunch my doctor did send me an email, so I'll email her back and I'll send off a separate email to my nurse.
I'm thankful that I have our 1st actual OB appointment next week. So that will be three weeks in a row where I'll get to see these little buggers. I need to start doing my research on what type of questions to ask, any suggestions?

I can't get the video to work, and again the pictures are really bad you can't even tell that they're anything. So I'll wait to next week. Maybe I'll just video the whole thing myself just to be sure.

By the way. We did announce to our parents - but more on that later. It wen't completely different than what I thought it would be.

Happy Hump Day!
Until Next Time -