My First 1st

And it was incredible, amazing, unbelievable.

The sun has risen, and the sea's are calm. 

I was feeling a little anxious most of the day yesterday. I felt baby girl all day internally, but hadn't felt baby boy yet. I kept poking him to wake him up. I just needed to know he was there. Towards the end of the night, I finally did feel him kick. When we went to bed, lately I've just been putting my hands on my belly waiting to feel them and praying. As I was praying for God to take away my anxiousness and fear baby boy got a little more active, and I trying to keep up with the movements trying to find where he was at. I pressed a little next to my belly button, and I felt him. Finally! He totally fist bumped me. I felt it internally and I felt the bump on my tummy. I let out an "oh my God" and my husband was like... what? whats wrong?  I said nothing! and I started to hysterically cry. I felt him!  I didn't know what to expect, but this was definitely an instant answered prayer.

The almighty HE heard me and my prayers. All along. Maybe this was the turning point.

Since my last post, things have gotten better. Almost immediately I felt just a tad better, just getting it out, written down helped.
2013 was a very difficult year for me. Something life altering happened every single month of that year. So the way I learned to deal with such happenings, is just to deal with things one at a time.
So this month - Feb; I'm polishing off my registries. Which my husband did not end up working late that night, and we completed most of our registry (another answered prayer). I still feel like there's a lot to add. Even if I don't get everything, at least everything I think I'll need -the list will be in one place. So I have a week left. March - I'll start to plan a baby shower. I know...I know, I'm not supposed to plan my own. I'll have some helpers, but just like how my wedding (or lack there of) went I ended up planing everything myself.  We'll also have a sit down conversation with my in-laws about watching the babies. Because if they say no, I'll need to get moving on finding a day care. March will also be the start of organizing house, and hopefully starting on the nursery.
That's as far as I got. Like I said... still just concentrating on the week I have left of Feb and what I need to accomplish by then.

My Placenta Previa is gone! Baby girl moved on up! Yet another answered prayer. AND my thyroid is starting to get its shit together. I'm officially complication free! My high risk doctor thinks that after this next visit on March 2nd, that we can push out the appointments a month apart. That's a catch 22. I loved getting to see these babies every other week, but now that I'm feeling them more and more and that the high risk doc think things are going wonderfully - then I guess its ok :)
Am I still checking for things when I use the potty? Yes, and unfortunately I just don't think that will change.

My loss anniversary is this Saturday. I'm not sure how I'll feel that day. I will definitely be reflecting, and have a heavy heart. I was supposed to have given birth on Oct 8th last year. That just happened to be the day I triggered, knowing I had 4 shiny eggs ready to go. It was hard to feel sad, when I was so excited about the possibility that I could get pregnant this round.

My mother did end up buying us all new appliances, so now my husband is working feverishly on the kitchen to fit everything in. Hopefully this was the fire set under is butt to get moving on the rest of the house. We had to do some moving around of cabinets, and rebuilding cabinets, etc to fit these guys in. I'll take a pic when all is said and done. But I LOVE the new fridge, the water isn't hooked up yet (b/c hubby had to run a water line), but that's my favorite part of the kitchen now. To have fresh water at my finger tips with ice! I'm afraid to use the oven. Its so high tech.
Every Friday, we sit down and we talk about what we can accomplish this weekend, or by next Friday - where do we want to be with the projects. So that's helped too. We both are on the same page now. My goal, is to have gone through our master closet, clothes/stuff/etc and make room for the dresser we will be moving into the closet - then move the desk/office into the nook where the dresser was.

I did end up putting my two weeks in at my 2nd job, and it was just fine. Though, I should have done it sooner. I can't seem to make it past 4 hours on my feet anymore. Each shift I work, it gets worse and worse. Not that I'm asking for sympathy - but all I get is nasty looks, eye rolls or being called a cry baby. Or I get "when I was pregnant, I could do this that and the other. Or -Oh yea I know how you feel.... " You guys, I'm so over that. NONE OF YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL, NONE OF YOU HAVE HAD TWO BABIES IN YOUR BELLY.  (this was me yelling at everyone in my head). On Sunday my hips and back hurt so bad I could hardly stand up. But they only let me go 45 min early. When I got home, I went straight to bed and didn't move for 4 hours. I only have two more shifts, Thursday night, and Saturday morning. Then.I'm.Done.!!!

The last thing I was worried about, was when I will be gone. My boss and I finally ended up meeting to get a feel of what will need to happen. And I feel much better about it. I still feel like I need to work extra hard to get things completed - i.e procedures, list's etc. Get a training schedule made up. But that's just because I'm very detailed and anal.

Sometimes I don't know why I have to go through these emotions, but better things come of it every time. Just another lesson, another reminder. God has his own timing. And he is Awesome & Almighty. He will not give me more than I can handle. I need to keep this in mind the next time I feel myself approaching the edge again.

So on to take on the week ahead! Hoping all of you had a wonderful weekend!

Until next time - -