OM-FLIPIN-Goodness

I am in complete and utter shock. I kept looking at it, and saying "this isn't real, this isn't supposed to happen this way, I can't believe it." Even now as I write this post, I just can't believe its true. I'm pregnant. It was positive. And I'm in denial.
I have had these cramps all week fully expecting to find my period coming at any moment. And it never came. I just asked my DH to buy a test just on a whim. I can't take the suspense. As soon as I got home I peed on the stick and almost immediately I saw two lines. I started to ball, and walked out to the living room and the look on my face said it all and my husband came in and said "yep, that's definitely two lines." So begins my "no way, this cant be true" repeated a million times.
When I woke up I took another one, same thing. Right away. I just stared at it.

I was getting my armour on and readying for the battle I was about to fight against infertility. I was ready. I was ready for the rounds and rounds of shots, med's, monitoring. I was ready for the disappointments. I was even ready to face a loss. It's all part of the battle to win. Winning meant I got pregnant if I was so lucky.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling at this moment. I'm thinking about all of the things the RE said to me, in particular the ovarian reserve number. That it was half par. That I might not have any good eggs left to sustain life.
As much as I want to shout to the world that I'm pregnant. I can't help but wonder, what happens next. When is the other shoe going to drop. I'm ready to face a loss, but that doesn't mean I wont crumble and have a piece of my hart that dies.

So I'm remaining cautiously optimistic. I'm relishing the fact that I have something growing inside me.

I don't want you to think that I will ever forget the struggle I have gone through these last 11 years. The constant disappointments. I will never forget. And my words for you if you are still struggling, to keep fighting. Keep putting on your brave armour and go to battle. Your win will come one way or the other. You are so strong and brave, you don't even realize it I bet. One day at a time, one step at a time.



With that being said. I have no idea how I'm supposed to get through a whole day's work. And I didn't sleep a wink last night. I worked till 11, but until shower and taking care of the dogs I wasn't in bed till almost mid-night, then I tired to read. And I was up by 4ish. Thankfully I don't have to work tonight. I am enjoying dinner with great friends that I haven't seen in a long time. How do I keep this a secrete?
I'm going to target tonight and getting more pregnancy tests and to Barns and Noble to buy the book "what to expect when expecting." I never expected to be expecting. You would have thought in the 11 years that I would have read up on actually being pregnant. Nope! It was all about trying to become pregnant.

I called the nurse and left a message. I'm hoping to hear back soon. Since I've been going through them to get pregnant, I'd like to stick with them for as long as I can. Perhaps I still need to take progesterone, and be monitored closely. I have no clue what happens next. But I have repeated thanked God over and over again.
I just heard back from the nurse and am leaving right now to get blood work done. This is starting to happen at hyper speed. How is this happening to me?

Hey Uterus... Stop Toying With My Emotions.

So, I've been cramping for the last three days, and my boobs hurt-mostly all day and hurt at more times than others. Cramps are on and off all day too, and also hurt more than others. No actual blood though, and I'm really looking for any trace. AND, I'm a little more tired than usual. I'm getting enough sleep I'm sure. Last night as soon as I got home, maybe 5:30/6 I was ready for bed.

I'm on CD27, and that's not unusual for me, I've gone as far as CD28 before and then BOOM there she is. But I have dinner with friends tomorrow night, and I would want to get a least one cocktail. Do I get a preg test tonight and see what happens? I think I might, just to end this curiosity.  Its not impossible. But I hate getting to this part. I hate to be disappointed. If it weren't for this dinner I probably would wait another week or so.
I'm supposed to have ordered my medications for my next cycle in feb. If I haven't even started this cycle yet, then I'll be pushed back to March.

But I guess that's ok. I'm hearing back from the finance person that she has to re-run my benefits and that could take a few weeks (!!!!!!) So I'll be doing a little recon on my own. I just need to re-read some of the information the nurse gave to me last time and call the insurance myself and see what is and what is not covered.

ugh. I cant even concentrate now on what I'm supposed to be doing (bank reconciliations). Its only 2:00. I'm all freaked out from Dr.Google.

See now, I'm getting tired again. But I'm to freaked out to get a cup of coffee. Even my tea has caffeine in it. Why do I do this to myself?

what else... lets change the subject. Its really cold here. Am I contradicting my self with an earlier post? yea, well... its really cold. I have to park a few blocks away from where I work and I could hardly stand it this morning. Just look at this weather.  Cold. More snow. Not getting warmer than 35. ugh.

 

Hey I came up with a rhyme:  BFN or BFP I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Even though I already know the answer. How could it possible be positive?

GREEEEN LITE!

I broke down and called the regular endo doctor...again. I said "I really really really need to hear from someone today." Moments later, the nurse called back. So there's good news and bad news. 
The bad news first.  My thyroid went from being way overactive (bad) back down to low in just under 8 weeks. Has that ever happened to any of you? I find that kind of weird. I asked the nurse how can that happen? she said "I don't know." hmm...   so now my dosage is being adjusted. It was 100, then down to 88, now back up to 100 mcg.    

But then I asked, well ok - but can I move forward with treatments? She said, there wasn't anything listed on the doctors notes to say otherwise, so yes move forward.
Excellent. 

So that's it. Now I just have to be sure I press on to meet with the finance person. My nurse keeps brushing it off, but I think its important that I sit down and actually go over everything and how much I'm going to be putting out. I think I have a right to know yes?    I don't want to get a surprise bill in the mail.

I'll call the nurse in a day or two. Order the meds. And counting down the days till Feb 20th. This is it! 

Confessions of a Grocrey Store Clerk

It was incredibly busy at the grocery store yesterday. Saturday not so much. Why do people wait until the very last minute to go get food before a "big" snow storm?
The weather-people were calling for upwards of 8+ inches to fall from Sunday night through Monday morning (this morning). Woke up.... and nothing...   though my day job already called a 2 hour delay which was so nice to sleep in after working till 11 both Saturday and last night. They're now calling for snow tonight. Which means it will be probably crazy again tonight too. We'll see. I don't trust anyone, not even my app.

So, on to my confessions. Much like flight attendants, I have a few points I'd like to vent. I'm giving you an inside look at what its like to be a grocery store clerk. By no means do I want to offend anyone, so please don't take it that way. I live in the boon-docks, so these are special people anyways.

Ok, so picture this. The parking lot is full, and there are a TON of people shopping, and all of the lines are like 6 deep. We have all of our working registers open. We're doing the best we can.
Ok?  So..  here we go:

1) If you see there is a long line, and I'm going as fast as I can. Don't just stand there and watch me bag all your stuff and have it pile up at the end of the register. Then expect me to place all of those groceries in your basket. Get your bagged items and place them in your basket!! This is not a full service food lion. I'll take your money and you can go on about your day. And have your money ready to go. Again, there is 6 people behind you huffing and puffing. You don't have time to fumble around in your purse. OH!!! And get your hands out my space. If you would like the bag the items yourself, go ahead. But stop taking the items out of the bag and into another. I have got a system in my head on what to bag with what. I'm the EXPERT.

2) Also, while I'm frantically trying to bag efficiently don't stick your store savings card right in my face. GIVE ME A SECOND! I'll get it at the end.

2) Know your EBT Balance, and come with cash to pay your balance. I don't judge you for being on food stamps via cash card. But don't get mad at me b/c you've run out of money after buying junk food and cigarettes then want to get cash back. I'm just a hard working American with 2 jobs.

3) Usually things with handles don't get bagged. If you want your milk in a bag, tell me. By the way. What is it with storms and milk? We ran out of milk for the 2nd time in 3 days. And banana's. weird.

4) Paying me via cash. Please, for the love of chocolate ice cream, DO NOT put your cash and coins on the belt.... that moves... you'll lose everything because I don't carry a screw driver in my back pocket to take the belt apart.

5) Don't get mad at me b/c your credit card is declined.

6) If you bring your own bags, pre-pare for them to be heavy if you want me to bag them for you while you .. again.. stand there and watch me. So annoying. I get wanting to save a tree. But man, those things are so annoying.

7) No, I don't see the water that you have at the bottom of the cart (again, line is 6 people deep, I'm moving fast). You have to tell me. Its your responsibility as a customer to put everything up on the belt or tell me whats left so that I can scan it. Or if you don't, then I guess you walk out of there with free water.

I think that's enough for now. I didn't have time to breath from 3 to almost 9:30. It was non-stop. Then some of the people I work with there, not teenagers this time, were complaining "omg I came in for this?" "oh, bo hoo, I'm working double shift today since they pressured me into it."   Um, I don't think they pressured you into anything. You could have said "no."  Its money in your pocket, your always complaining you don't have enough money. #somepeople.

Other than that my weekend was alright. It was kind of just chill. I thoroughly enjoyed my Friday night off and really didn't get up from the couch as planned.

Oh! and I still haven't heard back from the doctor about my thyroid levels. I'll be giving them a call later this afternoon. I'm THIS close to just going there to find out what the hang up is. I mean, how hard can a 5 min conversation be?

TGIF, Like.... For Real Though.

I was able to swing leaving early from the full time job at 2:30 and I don't have to work at job#2 tonight. So I've got my ice cream ready, a movie, and all things bravo TV all set in my DVR. I'm not moving from my couch the whole night. Even warned the husband. Not-getting-up.
I am SO excited to put sweatpants on, cuddle under the blanket with my furbies and just veg out.

In other news. I've stalked my regular endocrinologist. I've lost track on how many times I've called them today. If the RE got my results yesterday for a liver panel I had done (to check how I was handling max dose of metformin), then they should have gotten them too. (My liver is fine by the way, AND I'm not having any poopy (like, literally) side affects either - score!)

Ok. I just checked. I called 5 times in about 2 hours. I finally got a hold of the nurse, and she gave the message to the doctor.The doctor is swamped today (she's never not swamped, shes the best doctor in the area) so I might not get the phone call back until late today or even Monday. I re-iterated how important this phone call was. This was the 'yay' or 'nay' on starting fertility treatments. That I must know by Monday at the latest, b/c I'm supposed to be started my cycle on wed - at which time I call my RE Nurse to order all the meds, so then start medicated cycle Feb 20th.
I'm sorry for the really long run on sentence I just had there. Picturing me saying it really long with out taking a breath. Because that's how I typed it.
uuuuuggghhhh I hate waiting.

Good news for the day thus far. So, job#2 is standing on my feet for 6-8 hours right?  I originally bought cheap walmart shoes, and my feet hurt so bad I could hardly stand at the end of the night. I placed an order with sketchers and my new shoes should be here on Monday!

Want to hear a story? I've got a few of them.
ok, so the grocery store closes at 11, and this older man comes running in and asks when we close. I said in about 5 min. He said he needed dog food. Me being a huge dog lover I said, go for it! I'll hang out here till your done. He looked immediately relieved.
So he comes up to my register, and explains that he'd been in the hospital with this wife all day. He came home to feed his dog and he didn't have any dog food. awwwwwwwww. I said I was glad I could help out, and that I hoped everything was ok. He looked like he was going to cry and said that he thanked me, and that the little guy thanked me to. So sweet.

The other night, there was this little old lady who wanted to pay for her groceries with a check. Then behind her was a couple that looked like that had about 500 dollars worth of groceries waiting. The old lady's check didn't go through, and the guy (who is a big muscular guy, who you would probably judge as being mean and pushy), whipped out a 20.00 bill and gave it to the old lady and said "please let me pay for this." The old lady wasn't having it, so he gave the money to the cashier (beside me) directly and she took and paid for the groceries. That was so sweet, I cried.

Anything going on in your weekend? Me? oh I just have to work sat & sun 3-11.  At least I get to sleep in. We're supposed to get more snow, so the grocery store will either be really busy or really slow. Then I want to help the husband with finishing up demo'ing the fire place. We're almost done! We're discussing floors...  but we'll wait to see what our tax return will look like. More waiting!
I'm probably going to give my 1st born furbie a bath too. He stinks so bad and he so fluffy right now.
Let me see if I can get those pictures working..  it will be neat to see what happens in this space.


Wall surrounding the fire place removed, and exposed the brick.

It's about 75% completed here, at this point the black part has been taken out and we're close the the floor with just a few layers of bricks. We'll have to close in the ceiling, and figure out what do to about the floor until we can afford to replace it all through out the house. I'm hoping, where you see the wall now that I can fit in a "barn" door to separate out the spaces since that will become my office space, or my "me" space.

My fluffy Furbaby.