OM-FLIPIN-Goodness

I am in complete and utter shock. I kept looking at it, and saying "this isn't real, this isn't supposed to happen this way, I can't believe it." Even now as I write this post, I just can't believe its true. I'm pregnant. It was positive. And I'm in denial.
I have had these cramps all week fully expecting to find my period coming at any moment. And it never came. I just asked my DH to buy a test just on a whim. I can't take the suspense. As soon as I got home I peed on the stick and almost immediately I saw two lines. I started to ball, and walked out to the living room and the look on my face said it all and my husband came in and said "yep, that's definitely two lines." So begins my "no way, this cant be true" repeated a million times.
When I woke up I took another one, same thing. Right away. I just stared at it.

I was getting my armour on and readying for the battle I was about to fight against infertility. I was ready. I was ready for the rounds and rounds of shots, med's, monitoring. I was ready for the disappointments. I was even ready to face a loss. It's all part of the battle to win. Winning meant I got pregnant if I was so lucky.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling at this moment. I'm thinking about all of the things the RE said to me, in particular the ovarian reserve number. That it was half par. That I might not have any good eggs left to sustain life.
As much as I want to shout to the world that I'm pregnant. I can't help but wonder, what happens next. When is the other shoe going to drop. I'm ready to face a loss, but that doesn't mean I wont crumble and have a piece of my hart that dies.

So I'm remaining cautiously optimistic. I'm relishing the fact that I have something growing inside me.

I don't want you to think that I will ever forget the struggle I have gone through these last 11 years. The constant disappointments. I will never forget. And my words for you if you are still struggling, to keep fighting. Keep putting on your brave armour and go to battle. Your win will come one way or the other. You are so strong and brave, you don't even realize it I bet. One day at a time, one step at a time.



With that being said. I have no idea how I'm supposed to get through a whole day's work. And I didn't sleep a wink last night. I worked till 11, but until shower and taking care of the dogs I wasn't in bed till almost mid-night, then I tired to read. And I was up by 4ish. Thankfully I don't have to work tonight. I am enjoying dinner with great friends that I haven't seen in a long time. How do I keep this a secrete?
I'm going to target tonight and getting more pregnancy tests and to Barns and Noble to buy the book "what to expect when expecting." I never expected to be expecting. You would have thought in the 11 years that I would have read up on actually being pregnant. Nope! It was all about trying to become pregnant.

I called the nurse and left a message. I'm hoping to hear back soon. Since I've been going through them to get pregnant, I'd like to stick with them for as long as I can. Perhaps I still need to take progesterone, and be monitored closely. I have no clue what happens next. But I have repeated thanked God over and over again.
I just heard back from the nurse and am leaving right now to get blood work done. This is starting to happen at hyper speed. How is this happening to me?