It's Finally Here - Gender Reveal!!

Ladies, I can finally announce that I'm having a .....

All from 18w4d Sonogram:

Baby Boy Foot

Handsome Baby Boy Profile

Baby Girl Foot

Beautiful Baby Girl Profile

Am I done having kids after this sine I'll have one of each? That's the main question I get asked, and the answer is most likely not, I'll want to squeeze another baby in my arms in a few years. Plus, whats one more after having twins as your first set if kids? It'll be a breeze  :)     At least, that's what I keep telling myself.  But of course, it may be to late in a few years cause we'll have to go through treatments again, and who knows how my eggs will be since I'll be closer to 35 when/if we want a 3rd. Cross that bridge when I get to it.

So! A few updates. And hopefully some of you reading can give me some advice. I had my 18w check up with the perinatal doc Monday. Turns out, I've developed Placenta Previa. Has anyone had experience with this?  Baby girl's placenta is covering my cervix. Hopefully she'll grow upwards into the uterus and the everything will be fine. I haven't had any bleeding (yet), but I have a strong feeling it happened after some 'adult time' with the husband (which that, and/or heaving lifting can cause the shift to happen). I had a dream, and I wanted it in real life dang it! But afterwards I felt a discomfort in the groin/lower ab area and it hasn't really gone away. When my bladder is full I feel it most. I go every other week to the high risk, so at least it will be checked a lot. And no more adult time probably for the rest of this pregnancy. I'm kinda ok with that though. And no heavy lifting over 20lbs. So I'll probably cancel my personal training sessions.

Other than that, babies are developing just fine. Perfect little heart beats. They've been getting the anatomy scanned every time I go in (every 2 weeks since 12 weeks till 24 weeks) so I wont have the long awaited 20w scan. They're 9oz each. No measurements yet, but my apps say they're about  6-7 inches long. I've definitely have a bump now, but I'm still having a hard time excepting that its a 'real' bump and not just bloat/fat, etc. Maaaybe I'll get someone to take a picture of me today and upload it later.
I haven't gained by 5lbs this whole time, thanks to my thyroid which is now over active, so another dosage change, and another follow up in 2 weeks. But the doctor said its fine, as long as the babies are where they should be, and that there is enough fluid in each sack. And they're fine.

We also had a major snow storm this past weekend. I'll include some photo's at the end. And I just read that the rodent didn't see his shadow! Yay for spring and flip flops for my pregnant feet, which have gotten bigger by the way.

Another things I need your help on - Registry's. I've already been hounded on "do you have a registry yet?"  Between working 2 jobs, and having enough energy to get through my day - WHEN am I supposed to have done  registry?  So, I'll be getting on that in the next couple week.
Car seats - I'm totally confused with this one. What did you do?

My headaches have gotten better, instead of 5 days out of the, I'm down to 2 or 3 days I'm getting headaches. But mostly its b/c I'm getting hungrier and if I don't get something to eat fast enough I'll get a headache. My books still hurt every so often, mostly in the morning as I'm getting up I can feel them.  I finally got some pregnancy bra's to wear, and I'm almost exclusively in all maternity clothes now.

Thanks to facebook, it reminded me today is also the day I was in my car accident that destroyed my car (read: Here ). Later learning it would destroy my life - at least for a little bit. Jan 30th was the day I found out I was pregnant with my miracle child. We were just about ready to start our 1st round of treated cycles. And today, Feb 2nd would be the day that would be the beginning of the end. Just like another blogger, I think I will blog on the anniversary dates. I feel like this would be a way I can still honor my 1st child and work through some of the feelings that happened "a year ago today."  I still miss my car. It was one of the 'adult purchases' that I was proud of. And it was a super cute car to boot. I probably would have had to turn it in for a bigger car anyways, but it all worked out in the end. This was another time in my life where I questioned Gods intentions. Why would be bring such a tribulation into my life at such a (at the time) joyous time. I was dealing with both insurances, 2 different claims, dealing with honda, then dealing with the insurance I purchased to pay off the balance of the lien. Every day was 5 phone calls to keep everyone on track. I was the squeaky wheel and it only turned into a 3 month ordeal when I finally paid off the lien, and purchased a new car and got a pay out from the guys insurance (of whom hit me). More to follow as the anniversary dates near.

Well that about does it for this update! I'll be giving my notice soon on the 2nd job -I'll have to tell you how that goes. I'm wondering if the manager will be a witch about it. Oh well, at this point. These next few paychecks will pay for the parenting classes I want to take.

OK Ladies! Until next time -

My car is under there somewhere. 

Looking down on the side porch. 

My main man snow plowing away. 

Looking at the neighbors driveway, road under 2"+ of snow. 

Gender Reveal Coming Soon!

Pink & Pink? Pink & Blue? Blue & Blue? 

I know something you don't know, na-ne-na-ne-boo-boo  :) <3

16 Week Catch Up

I had every intention of writing sooner. Another big deadline at job#1, and just being plain exhausted has prevented me.

So, lets catch up. The twin news became official right after Christmas. I'd be surprised if no one knows at this point. But for some reason, I still feel the need to hide it. I've been hiding my budding belly for awhile. I think its another round of fear coming over me, and I'm not sure where its really coming from. It's almost like I'm still afraid to admit it because if something happens, then everyone will eventually find out. Every appointment has been perfect, so there is no real worry at this point. It's just the anxiety I feel again. I think it's going to stay with me until they're here.
Anyone with pregnancy after loss have any words of wisdom?  Why do I keep looking for things to go wrong? Why can't I fully enjoy this pregnancy?

Switching gears.
Holy Growth! I woke up at 14w4 days (on a monday) and could hardly walk! My hips! My uterus! Oy Vey! Most days I can feel the stretching. Some days are worse than others.

My 14 week appointment went ok. I had mentioned last time that the tech was terrible, and I hope I never get her again.
Started off normal, and then she just slabbored the gel all over my tummy. Then she just went right into scanning both babies, telling me nothing. Didn't explain what she was doing, and was all over the belly b/c the babies kept moving around. So I started to ask "what are you doing, whats that, is that this.. is that that?" She seemed really annoyed with me that I was asking questions. After she was finished, she wiped the wand on the cover thingy and then told me to use the same cover to wipe off. Can't you give me a clean towel? ugh. Trying to clean myself off, I had the gel all over my hands, on my clothes. The pictures ended up being terrible. She took it upon her self to cut them up and and only give me two. One was an 'ok' profile, and the other just looked like a black picture.

I had my regular OB appointment later in that week, and it went ok as well. I guess I just feel like the practice I'm at is big buisnessy feel. Sure you have the nurses who really care, but its really about getting you in, answer questions, and get out. It was a nice surprise to get to hear the heart beats via the doppler. She couldn't find baby b's HB b/c of to much movement.  I ended up with a nurse practitioner this time around. She was nice. I've gotten used to the rotation of doctors from going through all this fertility jazz. It was the same way at the clinic.

I have the 16 week appointment on Monday, and hopefully find out the genders. If they'll stay still for a second! The DH is coming with me on this one, so it would be nice for us to be together and find out. I finally have an idea or two on how to tell the masses (FB), but I still need an idea on how to tell family and work mates. I'm desperately trying to avoid the whole cake thing, but its so easy. So I'll have to pintrest this weekend to find something.

Oh!! You guys!! I called off on job #2 20 min before my shift with a "headache."  You should be proud of me. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't stand for 4 hours with the pain I was in already. They weren't happy, but of flipping well. They all probably called me names all night.
But this prompted a conversation with the DH about when I can quit. I'm happy to announce that we have come up with a date of Feb 5th, to put in my two weeks then. So happy that we're on the same page now. But now, I just have to hang on for a few more weeks and hope that it all ends on good terms. I'll have to grocery shop there!

Other than that, not much going on. Sleeping a lot. Trying to read these 4 prego books that I have. No real plans for the weekend except work, and put in  hours for job#1 in order to meet the big deadline for next Friday. I have off Monday (gov't holiday) so I've stacked three doctor's appointment's for the day; thyroid doc, baby doc & gastro doc. Then promptly home to crash, and fall asleep at 7pm.

Hoping you have a better weekend than me!
Maybe next post I'll be brave and start doing the whole bump pic thing. I'm only starting to embrace it now.
Until Then - -

Coming Out of the Pregnancy Closet

Haaay! It's been a min since I've written. Things have been pretty busy at job#1, lots of deadlines and we're changing over to a new system soon and I'm being considered an "expert" (???lol) in my area.

So lets see, last time we talked about the 12 week visit and plans for Christmas. I hope each of you had a nice time with family/friends, or even with just your husband. I kind of always prefer it just be He and I rather than having to put on "a face." I had a pretty good Christmas, santa gave me what I wanted and we got to tell our news to the family.

But lets back up a few weeks, to just after 8 weeks when we told our parents (well... my mom and in-laws... I'll get to my dad's reaction shortly).

My Mom:
I work two jobs, about 70 hours a week. So when I say I'm busy, I'm busy get it? My mom lives in another state right now, so seeing each other as much as she wants just isn't possible without like a months notice so I can put in a request for time off. She was going down to FL to visit my brother for thanksgiving, and made a really big deal about wanting her boots (that she had mailed to me while she was in Hawaii *rolls eyes*). This was a text conversation, so I looked at my schedule and said, 'ok, the only time is Saturday at so and so time." Ok! Dinner date set. At least I'll get free dinner out of it.  Now, it was not my intention to tell anyone till we passed the 12 week mark, but as soon as we sat down at the table "you're pregnant aren't you." There goes the surprise! And because I just can't lie without giving it away, I said yes I handed her the sonogram picture, and she was looking at it funny. I said, 'Mom, its twins - there's two in there...' 'oh yea I see that now.'   ......... That was it.
There hasn't been much more excitement since. I was maybe contributing the non-excitement based on the fact that I lost my 1st one at 8 weeks, so she didn't want to get to excited. But now, its like um.. I'm just about half way there, and you have yet to really be involved with anything. I just find it weird. I dunno..   Maybe when I have the energy to actually have a conversation about it, I will. But right now, I don't.

In-Laws:
My MIL can also spot a lie 5 miles away. She'll never ask me anything, but will grill my DH up and down. I had gotten the hemorrhage right before Thanksgiving, so doctors orders were to take the rest of the week off from both jobs. My DH calls and lets my in-laws know that I will now be joining them for dinner b/c I have to rest..?? (WHY would he say that? he could have said, my schedule changed...) So she knew right then and there. Thanksgiving day rolls around, and my plan was to ask my husband for two rolls... and then I would ask him to go put them in the oven for 6-7 more months and see if they would catch on. Good right??? Except as soon as my husband gives me the two buns I just bust out laughing, like catch my breath, tears coming out of my eyes laughing. So I have napkin on my eyes b/c I'm crying. Holding two buttery buns in my hands, and my MIL was like "you're pregnant!"  I said "yes, but with two - get it? two buns..?" There reaction was better than my moms. But they were also cautionary. Just kept saying "well we hope you make it, but I wouldn't tell anyone just yet..."   Again.... what??? Keep that 'ish to yourself. How about, Yes! Your having these babies, yay! Anyways...  they have been coming around and say things like "when the babies get here..." so that make me feel better.

Dad's Side:
 I was most excited about telling my Grammy. She has been praying for me for years and has only ever wanted my happiness. So I made a T-Shirt that said "Taylor Twins Arriving June 2016" and wore it to my dad's side of the Christmas gathering. I didn't know this about my Grams but she said to me later that night, that whenever someone has a design or lettering on a shirt she zero's in on it right away. So it was PERFECT that I had the t-shirt idea. As soon as I walked into her house and around the corner into the living room, she read it and screamed - jumped off the couch and hugged me and cried with me. Just kept saying "I am so happy for you, I am so happy, praise Jesus." I'm so mad I didn't catch it on video. Oh well. Most of my aunts (4 of them, with lots and lots of cousins and 2nd cousins) were really happy for me. Same sort of reaction - jaw dropped. Grammy kept saying to everyone, "go read Kim's shirt!!" haha.
My dad's reaction...  heh..  was different.  He had told me last Christmas Eve how much he was against me using "science" to have a baby, etc. I didn't notice when I walked in (because I completely ignored him), my husband saw him look at his girlfriend and roll his eyes and that she made a face back at him. When my gammy asked if he knew, he just said "no.."  and I came to my defense and I said that NO ONE knew! (so um, stop giving me attitude), his first words to me were "was it a test tube baby?" and half hugged me. I said, no dad - but thanks. Just like his reaction from my 1st pregnancy (that he later questioned) 'guess you were touched by the hand of God..." ugh.  I don't think he believed me when I said I didn't do IVF, but oh flipping well. And he wonders why I don't really speak to him?

Mother Side:
Mom had warned me that Emily - my cousin was pregnant too, also due in June. There reaction might not be so warming to my news. And they are kind of self involved people anyways, so I knew this. I wore my t-shirt again. Definitely not jumping off the couch, but were like "oh good news!" "Emily's pregnant too!!" Yea thanks. During the dinner, no one asked my or my DH anything. It was all about Emily. Totally get it, its your daughter, but its also her third kid. I have been very open about the things I've been through, so I was expecting a little bit more. But I decided not to let it affect me like that.

Work:
Its allll out in the open now. Everyone knows. And I feel weird that people are talking about it. I guess I just don't like the attention on me. Nothing really exciting, except the fact that our "go live" date for our new system will happen as I'm giving birth. So my expertise will have to be shared with my manager. The finance director made the announcement at today's meeting "Kim's pregnant with twins.." so everyone was looking at me.

That's it! I'm pretty happy all around that the general public didn't really know until I reached the safe zone. But personally I still feel like sometimes this is just still unreal. I went shopping for maternity clothes at Kohls and I'm walking towards the section, and I'm like how is this happening? I'm shopping for maternity clothes?

I also had my 14 week apt with the high risk doc, but that's a post all in itself. Its going to be how horrible the tech was. Tomorrow I have an apt with the OB. I'll just mash it up to really a 15 week update since I'll be 15 weeks Thursday. Still no bump pictures - sorry! And the sono pic's were just awful!! So no new pic's to share this week. Hopefully it will be a better experience next go-around.

I have to run to my personal training session, then home to maybe do laundry if I have the energy. Or it will be shower and sleep.

Until then - -

12w4d Perinatal Visit/Scan & Other Thoughts

I tried to write this post yesterday, but usually after these appointments my head is just spinning. Monday I had a visit with the perinatal doctor. I didn't really understand what this visit would entail, so I'm glad I didn't know they were going do to the scan, and measure the back of the neck for any sign of downs. But as soon as I knew it, I started to stress - just a little bit because of course the tech is doing all of the measurements and not saying anything, you get worried. Then ending with "the doctor will be in to see you shortly."
So lets rewind. I had to have my bladder full for this appointment, and that was uncomfortable. My DH and I got there a little earlier, so I sat in the waiting room for almost 40 min needing to pee so bad. The tech was really great, explaining everything along the way. She went nice and slow. Both babies were moving all around and she was all around my stomach with that goo, I might as well just taken my shirt off.
I had a dream that one of them didn't have any legs, so she found both babies had legs, arms, hands and feet. The doctor comes in and starts reviewing my case, and tells me to start taking iron on top of everything else. Having twins, I'm at risk for just about everything. My main concern is gestational diabetes. He recommended a high protein diet, and lower carbs. I knew it was coming, so after the new year I'll have to adjust my diet. Right now, its really just been about what will stay down. Lots of pasta and ice cream, pizza. I haven't gained any weight - so that's good. Good b/c I'm already over 200lbs, so my total weight gain shouldn't get above 20 extra pounds. I imagine I'll start gaining soon as they get bigger in the next 4-6 weeks.
Scan is done, and doctor says everything looks just great. I'm having di di twins (dichorionic diamniotic). Which are apparently the best kind of twins to have, less complications. And the scan of the neck should be between 1 and 3mm and both babies were 1.7. Perfect.

Good news and bad news. Because I possibly might have maybe had a procedure called a leep procedure when I was in high school (just over 15 years ago and they don't have any records of it anymore), they want to keep a close eye on the cervix. So that means I will be seeing the perinatal doctor and getting a sonogram every two weeks until 24 weeks! But.. if my cervix starts to shorten then I'll have to get it stitched up. I honestly don't see that happening. But at least I'll get to see my babies every two weeks.

Other thoughts-
I've seen a few posts of yours about the Christmas holiday with thoughts and feelings, so I wanted to share mine too. Though this Christmas is so different from all my Christmas's before, I remember what it was like to go through a holiday feeling alone. It was a rough start for me at my clinic in November of last year. After going through a little bit more testing than the average infertile, there was a polyp found and needed to be removed, and was done right before thanksgiving. So while my family was eating and enjoying company and drinking. I was stuck at home on the couch in some pain, and still not pregnant. About two weeks later I learned that my thyroid was way out of whack and my doctor changed my dosage and wanted me to wait 9-12 weeks before starting an actual treated cycle. I was so upset. After getting so amped up from getting through all the test, having the polyp removed - I was ready to go. Gimmie that clomid!  This meant, yet another Christmas no pregnant and probably not have started any sort of treatment till almost February. I almost didn't want to participate in any family gatherings because I was just to upset. At my Gram's house, there are a TON of babies, I just didn't think I could do it. But I used the opportunity to spread the word about what I was going through. No one, no one in my family has ever had to go through this. I wanted them to see where we were coming from.

ps. bringing a whole bag of Hershey kisses to work was a bad idea. 'tis the season!

ok - so during Christmas eve my cousin really wanted me to hold the newest newborn and I just didn't want to. She made a really big deal about holding the baby, HOLD THE BABY KIM! IT MIGHT BRING YOU GOOD LUCK. I got up fro my chair and went to the kitchen to hide my tears. My 'dad' then started on me. "You shouldn't be messing with this kind of science. Maybe God doesn't want you to have babies, maybe that's why your not able to have any, your going to end up with a "retard kid." Even his girlfriend chimed in and said "yea, you know, you might end up with like 6 kids. You don't want that do you?"
Saying these things in front of my family on Christmas Eve for heavens sake!!, completely embarrassing me. My dh wanted to punch him in the face. But we got through that night, and I went home and was a complete mess all Christmas long. My husband was really my rock through this time. I just kept focusing on the future, and wanting so badly for 2015 to start.

They may not say it much, or tell you how their feeling, but your family loves you so much and probably thinks about you more times in the day than what to eat for dinner. You are in a lot of people's prayers, even though you may not have your story out there yet. I hope you can feel the love. And let me add myself to your list. You are a sister from another mister to me. Going through treatments, disappointments, etc make us such a special breed of people that we can get through anything. I hope that you also have the love of the Lord on your side. It took me awhile to come back into his arms. And sometimes I still struggle with letting go and letting God. But when I did, miracles happen and they are still happening. I want that for all of you. Know that you are in my prayers and my thoughts.

We're almost there. I'll leave you with a peek of da'babies.
I hope that each of you have a wonderful Christmas. Take the time that you need to yourself, or lean on your husband. Focus on what you do have. And what could be possible for this next year. This year for sure, I've lived by a saying "it will happen the way its supposed to."

Leaving the best for last. These are copies of pictures, its hard to see. I'll have to start playing around with my printer at home to see if I can make better copies.

12w 4 days. They are each about 3" long rear to head. 

His little hand is by his nose. We keep calling him a 'he.' :)

   

I have big deadline at work, so I most likely wont be able write much until after Christmas, maybe Christmas day since I plan on being home most of the day and its my only day off really.
so until then -
With much LOVE  <3