Catch Up Chroniciles Part II B - The First Week & Beyond

I'm trying to write updates weekly....trying...   to catch up to current day.

The First Week & The Rest of June

June 2nd - June 5th, hospital stay. 

June 5th - June 11th, 1st week. 

On top of still being in a lot of pain -leaving the hospital without both my babies was pretty tough, I put on a smile but inside I was so depressed, almost feeling like a failure for not being enough for him, I couldn't provide for him. It didn't help that it was raining and gloomy. I think my husband kept some of the medical happenings from me to keep me from worrying to much. I didn't know at the time that he actually got worse the day we left and had to be put on a stronger machine (C-pip) in order to breath, and still wasn't eating on his own.

When I was being wheeled out on Sunday I was nervous about being "alone" with one baby, and not having the nurses at my beck-n-call to help me or answer questions and mostly to have them affirm I was doing a good job. I couldnt here that enough! And I didnt hear that enough. I missed being just down the hall from my boy, and being able to see him anytime I wanted. I was leaving him.
What really helped me get through my pregnancy, birth and beyond was not really having any expectations on how things 'should' go. I've always just went with the flow. My mind set was week to week, and same when I went home. "Just have to get through today...." With anything I faced, just had to get through the day. Tomorrow is another day, hopefully a better day.

When we got home, we were greeted by 2 very excited dogs. We put Olivia on the bed, still in her car seat so they could sniff.  Days prior the husband did go home and took a blanket with him so they could smell her then too. We decided that we would do 5/10 min increments the rest of the day. So I stayed in the bedroom with the baby and my husband set up camp in the living room. He'd stay out there for as long as needed.
I couldn't get over the pain, but I was more comfortable in my own bed. I ended up co-sleeping with my girl. it was just easier being alone in the room and breast feeding, not being able to get up with out needing to grab onto something for stability.

The first day or two at home were the worst. There were lots of tears for lots of different reasons. My milk came in BIG time on Monday 5 days after giving birth (um, my boobs are the size of a small water melon, or a really big cantaloupe - not kidding). So I started to pump more. Everything I pumped I was able to give to Adyn. By the end of the day Tuesday he was 90% breast milk. Because he was still small, he was on 22 cal formula for the rest of the time 2 feedings a day out of the 8. {22 cal formula is just formula with extra calories. Breast milk and regular formula only have 20 calories per oz, so 22 cal is often used in the nicu to help babies gain weight}
Monday, the next day after being discharged, because Olivia had lost 11% of her weight while we were in the hospital so we had to get checked out by the pediatrician to hopefully see some weight-gain. She didn't gain weight, but didn't lose any either. So we had to take her back on Thursday.

Every day we packed up the baby and myself and went to the hospital to see Adyn. They don't allow babies/kids back into the nicu, at least where Adyn was in isolation so we stayed in the family room, and one of us went to visit while the other stayed with Olivia.
As far as Adyn goes, he improved slowly every day. The goal was to be able to breath on his own and to be able to eat on his own. When we had visited on Wednesday the nurses told me it might be another week. That kind of deflated me a bit, but again - I really just took everything day by day. But I also got to hold him for the first time since the 45 min after I gave birth. I can remember that he was so tiny!

Baby boy laying down, still on a feeding tube, but out of isolation. 

Thursday they told us he's going home tomorrow! That almost brought me to my knees. I did one of those like instant cries, I was so happy to hear.

Meanwhile at home, things with the dogs were getting better. Husband was still out in the living room with the dogs, sleeping and living. The pain from the c-sec got better every day.
Later in my pregnancy, I couldn't really take a big breath since they squished my insides up. I remember one night I was laying in bed on my back, and I took a deep breath. It felt so weird. It's like I could feel my lungs expanding.
Things were also falling into place with Olivia. I was quickly falling into a routine of sorts of the every 2 hours needing fed. I was pumping a lot and she was still breast feeding.
Thursday when we took her back to the doctors, she had gained weight- Thank goodness.

Friday the big day! I was soooo anxious this day, bringing Adyn home meant two babies. Could I really do it? How hard is this going to be? I was happy to have him come home for sure, but what if he regressed? What happens if he stops breathing on his own again?  What if what if what if???

We made it home, and did the same thing with the dogs. Let them sniff every so often, and back into my mom cave (bedroom) until further notice. He wasn't really able to latch, so we started off with a bottle for him. We started with the Kindee system, then tried the Bare bottle (?), ending up with the the Munchkin Latch bottle. We had to take Adyn to the ped on saturday (three times to the doc in one week, so lucky!) to make sure he was gaining weight, he did.
We had to go back to the doc a week later for thier 2 week check up. All was well. I don't remember much of June. It definitly went back in the blink of an eye. I feel like I should have kept a solid journal, and I suppose this will ultamatley will be a journal of sorts. I feel like I should have gotten newborn pictures, but I didn't. It cost $$, of which I have none, b/c hello- I have two new borns, and about half of my maternity leave was unpaid.
My husband took most of June off to help me, so he went back to work on June 27th. I was mostly ok, except I had a problem being able to eat. Or rather, fixing somethign to eat and being able to actually eat it before a baby started to cry or needed to be fed, or diaper change, etc. I tried to sleep when babies slept, but I also wanted to feel productive. I tired to do at least one thing on my own a day, laundry - vaume the rug - take a walk, etc.

While my husband was home with me, we tried to make it out of the house about once a week. We went to target, and the grocrey store.
Let me tell you, I felt like a side show. People stared at us, we got asked the usual questions - are they identical, are they natural, etc.  (no, of course and yes? why would you even ask that?)

Before we knew it, they were a month old! I'll leave you with a few pictures, and write another posting for July.

Baby Girl <3

Thier first nught together.

Haaay Ladies

At target

Fed, Fat & Happy

Baby girl & her daddy

Baby girl

Baby boy

Baby girl

They like to cross arms like this. 

Let's Catch Up Chronicles - Part II A -Twins Birth

Moving right along...

June:

June 1st I had my last high risk apt. It was very bitter sweet. I 100% loved my high risk doctor. He was real with me, he was caring, he was invested in my pregnancy, and he wasn't bad looking either. ha!

Turns out, both babies had turned head down, a day before my scheduled CSection. So he asked me if I wanted to delivery naturally, and I said no - but I immediately regretted it. Oh well. I can't remember exactly what I did the rest of the day, but probably not to much. 

It was a very weird feeling to go to bed that night thinking "I'm going to wake up tomorrow and have babies." Weird right? 

Bags packed, last min organizing, and eating since I couldn't eat anything past mid-night. I had been sleeping on the couch for the last month or so because I just couldn't get comfortable with having such terrible acid reflux. But I actually slept really good that night. 

Last Bump Pic! Get out of my belly!!!

June 2nd - Birthday's!  I made it to 36 weeks on the dot.
Again, waking up and weirdly feeling "today I'm having babies, the next time I home, it will be with 2 babies." Very surreal for sure! 

Got to the hospital and checked in, got naked and hooked up to all of the monitors. I remember having to pee so many times. Get unhooked, bring the IV with me, pee, get hooked back up. And Repeat! 

I had told my surgeon that as of yesterday both babies were head down and if I could go naturally. So they got out the sonogram machine, and baby boy moved back up! ugh! So, C-section it was. 

Laying in bed I felt very uncomfortable, and I just thought it was baby girl moving and a'groving since she was head down and right on top of my cervix. I had to breath through some of it. Then the nurse was like "are you feeling those contractions?"  "What!?! Those are contractions?"

....yea, so turns out I had been in labor for about a week. I had been having contractions on and off for a week and I didn't even know it! June 2nd would have been the birthday either which way. That's kinda cool. Remember that fire drill that previous Friday? yea! I was in labor and probably shouldn't have gotten up from my seat, let alone waddle down 3 flights of stairs and down 2 city blocks. I probably shouldn't have even been at work!

Anyways..  my surgery was supposed to have been at 8:30 but I kept getting bumped. The girl before me was pushing and had to have an emergency c section. Then the anesthesiologist kept bumping my spinal tap for yet another girls epidural.  I had asked the nurse, what if my water breaks here and I keep getting bumped like that.. she said then I would be moved to the top of the list. While I was waiting, it was nice to hear the heartbeats going, like "We're here mommy! We're ready!" I was so hungry too. My DH wouldn't admit it, but I know he was really anxious and uneasy. It took the nurses FOUR times to get IV in. That hurt more than the spinal tap being put in. 

So my contractions started to get to close together, 2 min apart and the nurses burst in the room saying "We're going in! Last min pee and lets get this show on the road!" ahhhhhhhh!!! 

I walked into the operating room and sat on the table, they got my spinal tap in pretty quickly and I laid down before it started to take effect. {With a spinal tab, or 'spinal' as they kept saying, you can't feel anything or move anything from the chest down.} I had to repeat a few things, "whats your name and do you know why you're here... yes I'm having babies, etc" They strapped my legs in put up the curtain and strapped my arms too, loosely. My husband had to wait outside for a min, but when I laid down he came in and sat by my side. Before I knew it they were cutting me open. *tmi alert* I could smell the burning of the skin, then saw splatter of blood on the blue screen. That was my cue to stair at the ceiling and start counting the ceiling squares. I held onto my husbands hand and stared at him. And then, there it was...  the scream. "Baby A" is out! and screaming her little head off!! I squeezed my husbands hands, closed my eyes and cried like a baby, like I'm about to do right now. The 1st team of people rushed her over to the bed and washed her off etc. I remember watching them over her, and then boom! "Baby B" is out and screaming. 2nd team rushing him over. DH then went over to take some pictures, and I was left to be stitched back up. It was really quick. In and out in about 45 min. They wheeled me into recovery with both babies already there with DH. It was so so so awesome to hold them for the 1st time. DH was so nervous it was cute. 

Olivia Rose Taylor, Born 12:00 June 2nd, 6lb 9oz and also 19" long. Even more hair then Adyn!

Adyn Duke Taylor, Born 12:01 June 2nd. 5lb 14oz 19" long and a head full of hair!

In recovery they quickly gave me both babies to do skin to skin. Olivia settled nicely in the nook of neck, but Adyn just wasn't sitting still and was whining a bit. Olivia had attached onto the boob for her first meal, but Adyn just couldn't, I guess concentrate.
My high risk doctor did warn me that he would probably go to the NICU for anything related to his lungs. A lot of times white - preemie boys have issues with their lungs and just need a little bit of help the first couple days of birth. So I started to feel like maybe he might have a problem.

They got my room ready for my stay and off we went to get settled in. I was the only twin birth in the hospital that day, so I got a lot of "congrats" in the hallway. I was still druggy and all I could muster back was a "Thunks you" slurry and all.

When we got to the family room the nurses tried to get Adyn to attach to the boob again, but he still hadn't settled down much. His breathing wasn't slowing down, it was short fast breath's. The nurse ended up calling in the NICU doctor, and my fears were confirmed. Off he wen't and they didn't really explain where they were going at first so I really never got to say.."see you later little guy" or anything like that.
I turned my focus onto my new little girl and trying to heal myself. The nurse offered me morphine, and I took it. Only after having it drain into my IV did they explain, oh yea you should have eating something, but oh yea, you can't just in case something happens and you have to go into surgery again. So I got reallllly sick. I threw up. A-Lot! So much so, it was just stomach bile green after the 2nd container they gave me to spit up in. It also scared me enough to refuse medicine for a while. I didn't want to get so sick that I couldn't take care of my little girl.
We had made all of our phone calls, text's, facebook updates, etc. At that time I really only wanted the parents to come in and visit. So his parents showed up 1st. By that time Adyn was already gone and I felt so guilty that Olivia was getting all the attention. They only stayed for a bit, then my mom came (my 'rents are divorced). I felt that guilt again, and decided that I really didn't want any more visitors. I mean, I really didn't take many pictures for almost a week (till Adyn came home) because I thought it wasn't fair that I was taking pictures of her and not him. I even cancelled our "free" (but not free) new born pictures the hospital does. Of course I'm all hormonal and upset, tired. I really just wanted to concentrate on baby girl and get to a point where I could get up and out of bed so that I could make it down to the NICU. Luckily the hospital I was at had their own NICU and he wasn't taken to another hospital.
We kept the lights on low the whole stay, didn't turn on the TV. Tried to sleep when we could. I breast fed as often as she wanted. At some point the next day (or maybe the day after that) I got up and took one of the best showers ever. Washing all the grime off, warming my muscles up, opening my lungs up again. The best.   I was able to walk down the nicu after that, but was wheeled back. I made it every day I was there at least once.
It was very scary to see him like this. But I never really worried about him. The doctors were from Johns Hopkins (I only live about 30 min from Baltimore, and D.C for that matter). Every nurse I came into contact with was just wonderful. They were in awe of me! Which made me feel like a rockstar for 3.5 seconds.

Lil'man in the NICU.

What-ha-happen wuz... 

He ended up with fluid in his lungs, either he took his 1st breath coming out of the amniotic sac and breathed in fluid or that b/c he wasn't born vaginally whatever fluid was in his lungs stayed there b/c it was squeezed out. His breathing was very fast paced and he couldn't expand his lungs. Because of that, he couldn't take in food. Here he his with the C-Pap machine on him and IV/tube for food, etc. At first it was like a sugar liquid to keep his sugars low. When they could get his breathing under control they started to feed him via the tube. Formula at first, until my milk came in (and BOY did it come in!).  He ended up in the nicu for 8 days. 

For a brief moment, he had more CO2 in his system, so they put him on the C-Pip machine. After about 4 days, he showed much improvement and they took him off the C-pap, but still on the feeding tube. He needed to be able to eat and breath on his down and keep the food down. By the 6th day I was able to hold him again and try to breast feed but he wouldn't attach, but he tried! 

The doctors are ok with seeing about 10 % weight loss in the days following birth, but baby girl lost 11%, so I had to make the decision at 2 am the morning of discharge to do formula to get her weight back up. I really only had to do that for a few days in addition to breast milk b/c her weight went back up. 

During my hospital stay, which was 4 days, 3 nights I had great nurses, and then bad nurses. I couldn't pee so they had to catheter me. After my bout of throwing up, I ended up taking the pain med's to make it through my day. I wanted to badly to be home, but wanted to care that came with being in the hosp. I did NOT like the food, so my hubby went out and got me at least one meal 'out.' 

I loved the undies the hosp had, it felt easy and carefree. So what if I bled all over them? Throw them away and get another! It was very hard to sleep at the hosp, I will say.  And really just the whole time I was there, it was like something was missing. Adyn was missing by my side. I didn't get to feel whole or complete till he came home. I didn't get those pictures that every one takes with the babies in the lap in my hospital gown and my messy hair with my tired eyes. It was just about getting through my day, healing, and caring for Olivia. 

Part II B, The first week, coming soon - - 

 

#MicroBlog Mondays: Back To Work

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too


Can I just say how JEALOUS I am of all of you outside the US that get a whole year off? I firmly believe that more time is needed than the standard 6/8 weeks the US gets. Knowing last year that I was hopefully going to have kids, I saved every ounce of vaca/sick leave I had (b/c that's all I get paid as far as time off) and still only had 7 1/2 weeks paid out of the 10 1/2 weeks I had taken off. So that paycheck everyone else got last week, just means peanut butter and jelly and mac n'cheese for me.


Last week was my 1st full time week back to work after having 10 1/2 weeks off for maternity leave after having twins in June. I'm not sure how I made it through! All the coffee and espresso didn't make a dent.  I had actually started the kids at day care August 1st (part time till last week), so I got that whole sad/I miss them day out of the way. I also wanted to see how my morning were going to be. Turns out I need to be up by 3:30am. Some mornings I've "slept in" till 4am. Like today. I had woken up at 1, and feed them by 2am. Having to get up an hour or 1 1/2 hour later just wasn't going to happen.  I get up, shower (shower meaning hurry up and throw soap on me and maybe get to wash my hair, otherwise its a bun-again, and shaving my legs? ha!), pump, feed babies, feed my face (has to be finger food, right now its ego waffles), get dressed, lets the dogs out, pack bags, change diapers/dress babies and hope they don't spit up all over the place (I've learned now, to always have a 'spit' rag on my shoulders), get them in car seats and out the door my 6:15. I haven't made it out the door by 6:15 yet! Luckily I have an awesome boss who "can't even imagine having two babies at the same time."
And yes I could probably do some of this the night before, but when I have to make a decision on what to do in between feeding sessions -sleep always wins.

Hoping for a smoother week, with more sleep (in my dreams!).

Let's Catch Up Chronicles - Part I

Wow!  . . . . . . .

So hi! I can't believe its been since, wait.. when?  Life completely swooped in took me on a ride and I finally have the time . I have so much to catch you up on, but I'll do it in parts so as not to overwhelm you with a ton of info.

April:
I can tell you right now that the month of April was so completely overwhelmingly busy. From baby/birth/hospital classes, to putting in a TON of time at work to build up my comp time, to running around and trying to finish last min things before babies arrived, and somewhere in there I had my baby shower, that by the way I did almost completely myself b/c my friends and family suck. Yea..  they suck. I mean not ONE of them stepped up to plan anything. I had to ask my friend if I could use her name on the invitations. Isn't that sad? So my hormonal self when into a little depression thinking that no one loved me or cared about me.
Even though my baby shower was thrown by me, myself and I - that just meant I got to control everything - and it was a hit! I've had people to this day tell me how great my shower was. (just by the way it was organized, food, set up, etc). I had rented out a small space at a fire hall, and bought a lot of things on sale b/t micheals and party city. I didn't really have "games" but I had gotten these paint pens to decorate onsies, and it worked out great. I've washed the onsies a ton of times and the paint hasn't faded or gotten over anything. Then I had people write funny quotes on diapers, and then the gift bingo. By the end of April I was 30 weeks already, basically a ticking time bomb. I mean look at me! I am round like a bomb you would find in Mario Brothers.

Taking the classes was fun, it really did prepare me for just about everything - even the birth education classes. I didn't think those videos were gross at all, I cried! The teacher even had a twin birth video to watch just for me. I highly recommended taking classes if your hospital or OB provides them. Yes they cost money, but its was so nice to have information and expectations told me by a professional. All the teachers were either nurses that worked at the hospital or retired. So you were able to separate fact from fiction. I know everyone has their opinions, but I def learned a lot from these classes. I was the only person having twins in the 3 classes that I took.
Side note - I think its weird that people still find it so fascinating when they run into someone with twins. Twins have been all around me for a few years now, so the "shine" has worn off. I mean two of my really good work buddies are twins, I'm the 3rd person in my office to have twins. But I still get "looks" where ever I go. (more on that later).

My shower "look"

Me and my baby daddy. 

May: 
May is when I started to have weekly appointments for both high risk and regular OB, every week I had considered myself a champion -I've made it this far, with huge babies in my belly! I was still trying to work as much as I could. Work was so incredibly busy, training two people to take over my tasks' while trying to get as caught up as I could before leaving. Again - ticking time bomb. I needed to be ready to go at any moment and I didn't want to come back to a complete mess.
I was also diagnosed with Cholestasis at week 32. Of course Dr.Google scared the crap outta me. Backing up a second. I had just randomly read a tidbit on one of my apps about abnormal itching all over (starting with the feet and hands). So I mentioned it to my doc about a week and half later and they tested me for this Cholestasis. It's basically when the liver produces to much bile acid for the gull bladder to handle and it leaks into the blood stream. This would affect the babies to where it would be to much for their little liver to handle, and it could make them poop (machonium, sp?) Both of which would result in an emergency c-section. Worst case scenario would be a still born.
I had my blood tested on a Friday, but didn't find out the results till Tuesday- and they wanted additional testing and wanted me to come in "right now" so that my high risk doctor would get the results before wed's appointment. Que the freak out. I wasn't ready yet. That night my husband and I ran around and tried to prepare, packing hospital bags, getting that other car seat, making arrangements for the dogs/cats, etc. I was ready for my high risk to tell me at my appointment wed morning "go straight to L&D."
Turns out my blood levels were 2x the normal rate, but he wanted me to try medicine 1st. My high risk doc was a rock star, he really wanted the best for me and my babies. Because of the Cholestasis, he did want me to go ahead and give birth at 36 weeks. The end is near! The babies looked fine, measuring just perfect with their perfect little heart rates. So I started on the medicine and my levels went down - thank goodness! Later I learned my cousin had this too, diagnosed on a Monday and was induced on Wed.
Week by week I was doing ok, I was really just getting through each day and getting through each week, until week 34. Man!!! It's like a switch turned on and it made everything so hard. I could hardly stand for more than a few minutes. My feet swelled up so bad. I was uncomfy any which way. Heartburn and acid re-flux SO BAD.
36 weeks landed me on June 2nd, so everything was arranged for a scheduled C-Section. You know what? I didn't care any way these babies came to me, just as long as they did. I never had a birth plan (other than I didn't want both a c-sec and a vag).
I worked 2 jobs till 22 weeks, then I worked my main full time job till 35 weeks (May 27th). Funny story. I work on a 3rd floor of our building. My last day of work, a Friday  - they had a fire drill. REALLY? You want me to waddle down three flights of stairs, knowing that my water(s) could break at any second. Really????
I had hoped to get in a lot of rest before June 2nd, but my in-laws were over every day before then. I get they wanted to help. But I was just tired/sore/unbeknownst to me already having contractions (more on this later). She wanted to organize everything (kitchen cabinets, baby stuff, etc), so I just sat in a chair and watched her do things for me. I will say that we got a lot done.
I can remember complaining every night how much pain I was in, how much it hurt when they moved around. How she (baby girl was right on my cervix) was grinding at my hips (later learning those were contractions - duh kim!!). I couldn't have imagined having to make it to 38 weeks. Not without going on a self superscribed bed rest.

In the days before birth, I had gotten to a point where I was really ready. I didn't know how hard it would be, but I knew I could survive it and that I was meant for this. It was a very interesting feeling going to sleep on June 1st, knowing I would wake up the next day and have two babies.

Part II coming soon - -

A little nursery prep. This is the changing table (its a dresser that will fit the pad on top)

Baby girl. Towards the end, we never really got good pictures. This is my only 3d. 

This is how they were positioned, except the bottom baby's head (girl) was on the other side. 

My poor fat feet getting the treatment before giving birth. 

TGIF...?

I tried to title this something cute, but I'm just to tired to think. Which is weird, b/c I just took my 1 hour glucose test - so I should be pretty amped up?  No. I can close my eyes and go right to sleep. I was considering going out to my car and taking a cat nap, but recently there have been some homeless people that take naps in the bushes. Not sure how much sleep I'll get then.

Lets see, since last week....

I totally bought my CHAIR! Now just waiting for it to be delivered to the store and we'll pick it up! This is the first thing I bought for the nursery. I'm not sure where we'll put it for right now, seeing as we STILL haven't started on the nursery. I'm getting a little nervous about that, but it will all work out in the end. I'm not to-to worried about it. I know my husband is working his tail off to finishing other projects that also really need done, so I've quit nagging. Its now more like, "what do you plan on working on today...?" Instead of, "you better get shit done today."  lol

Daycare - Please pray that this one works out!!
We've seen my MIL several times since she's said no to watching the kids, and she hasn't brought it up. At.All. So its whatev's.    I did some searching, and ended up with a list of around 60 people to call. Starting in my area where I live, and then the surrounding areas. Every single person that I called (probably about half the list, so 30) did not have 2 infant spots opening. (1 provider can only have 2 infant spots open at one time, infant being 0-23 months). "Oh twins! congrats, good luck with that!" is all I hear back.
BUT! I had contacted a lady on Monday and she did have 2 spots, but wasn't willing to hold them for me till August. Wednesday rolled around and I had gotten in touch with other providers and 2 of them recommended her, and the one lady said that maybe I could work out a deal where I would pay her a certain amount each month as a good faith payment, and then when I do hand the kids over to her then that would be credited back towards the fee's.  So I call her, Mrs. Norma, and she said she wasn't interested and that she already had an interview coming up with another infant mom and that would take up one space. Ok, I said, thanks for your time.
She called back about 20 min later. And asked again when I would need to her to start, August. Hopefully if things continue to go smoothly, it will be the later part of August. She said that the infant she's about to bring on, will turn 2 in June and that would leave the 2 spots open again. So we talked turkey - I agreed to pay her the sum of one child until August (500.00 a month), and when we hand the kids over to her, that 500.00 would have already been 'pre-paid' for one kid, and I would just be paying for the other kid for 5 months. At the end of the day, I would be paying 1,000 a month for daycare. Which it sounds like a lot, but its actually the cheapest I could find and that's just in my area. When you get closer to the city, you're looking at 1,600-1,800 a month. Outrageous!
We're meeting with her this Monday to confirm things, and see her space/set up. I really hope it works out. I would appreciate any prayers.

I had a quick OB apt this past Wed, and Doc was upset with me that I hadn't already done my glucose test. She said I should have done it at 24 weeks b/c of the twin factor. I told her, I was here at 24 weeks, and that doctor said I would do it at 28 weeks, and so far I'm only 27. Which is it?  She wanted me to get it done right away. So I went in this morning (Friday). I was expecting an orange drink from everything I've read, but I got fruit punch. It just tasted like stale juice, but really yucky sweet at the same time. I had to drink it in 5 min, then wait the hour out in the lobby. They said they would only call if I failed, and would need to go in for the 3 hour test. Another prayer request please! I don't think I could ever give up ice cream!!

My day in DC with friends was pretty fun. It was to much for me to walk around all day. I had to take a lot of breaks, but it was very nice to see people I haven't seen in a while. I'll include some pics below.
This weekend, I have GOT to work on my closet and get it organized. I hope I can get it done in a few hours. Take a nap, then head down to northern VA for a birthday cook out for my mom. If I don't go down to see her, I'll never hear the end of it. I just hope that maybe this time around it will be a nicer visit than last.  Then Sunday my DH & I our 1st baby class, Baby Care 101. I'm pretty excited about that.
Monday going to see daycare person.
Wednesday next week is high risk apt, they'll be taking measurements this time so I get to know how big they're getting, etc. And all week next week will have to work long hours to make up all the time missed.
I'm already kind of exhausted! April will be such a busy month, and then all of a sudden I'll be 31 weeks! EEEKK!
I'll probably write again after my high risk ap and will share news about the daycare and see if I get a call back from the OB about the results of my glucose or not.

Hoping y'all have a great weekend ahead and I'll talk to you next week!

Until Then - -

26 Weeks 

Jinx & George <3

MY CHAIR!

National Museum of Natural History

National Museum of Natural History

National Museum of Natural History

National Museum of Natural History

My Sassie, she loves to lay like this on me. 

Hope Diamond

#whatifeellikemostdays

What Day Is It?

Its hump day!

Just checking in with y'all.  I lived in South Carolina (Go Gamecocks!) for awhile, so I have official use of the word y'all - ok? ok!

Not to much has been going on.
Since my last post's, about the "chair" situation - I've just decided to buy the chair myself out right. Waiting for that next paycheck, and it will be mine! It's gotten to the point with my MIL that she has offered to give me her 10 year old lazy boy, that's been her 4 cats chair in the basement- in lieu of buying me the chair I wanted. Thanks but no thanks.  And I haven't really spoken to my mom since that day either. We never really had the best relationship, but I just can not take this kind of stress right now. I'm doing pretty good with this pregnancy, any sort of stress could send me over.

Speaking of MIL's...  my husband and I had some pretty clear indications that she wanted to watch the kids/day care. She had painted rooms in her house, blue and pink, and has dedicated a room downstairs as 'the play room.'    That gives me the impression, your making plans right?  Well apparently not.  I had prompted my husband to start the conversation like "what are your thoughts about watching the kids, think about it.. etc etc."  He waited till we almost left and was like "oh by the way, we were wondering about that babysitter situation..." <deep breath>  men!
We had, what turned out to be a very quick conversation about daycare and she out right said "no I can't do it."
That's it..  just no.
I think my husband was more upset then he led on to be. And I was just pissed off.
I kept nagging my husband for awhile now, that we needed to have the conversation, and I let him lead b/c it was his parents. So I was kind of upset that he/we waiting so long to have this conversation.  So now, I am on the search for day care. Which so far has proved very hard. Its going to be very hard to find a provider with two infant openings and have it be affordable.
So I feel like, I'm slowly getting to that edge again but I'm fighting it really hard.

But on the good news side of things, week 24 I had the fetal fibronectin testing to see if I was at risk for pre-term and/or bed rest. And I passed!  Doctor said that if my cervix measured more than 25 they wouldn't even send the test results in, and my cervix measured 37. And it's because baby girl's head moved away from the cervix.
They will test again at my next apt and get measurements (in about 2 1/2 weeks). And I'll be 28 weeks then. I can't believe how fast time is moving. And we're still not ready. We haven't even started the nursery. I KNOW RIGHT??  <another deep breath>

I had my thyroid apt this morning, as its finally back on the normal scale. And she keeps giving me free samples!

I'm trying to get all my outings with friends in b/t this and next month. I really don't want to have anything planned for the month of May - just in case.
I had lunch with friends this past Saturday that I haven't seen in over a year. The last time I saw these girls, I had just confirmed with the doctor that day that I was pregnant. So how neat it was to see them now, pregnant again.
Saturday I have a day planned in D.C with 2 of my best friends. We're going to the Smithsonian to see the dinosaurs! The cherry blossoms will be out and peak bloom this weekend too. I'll try to take some pictures.
Then Sunday I'm meeting with a potential nanny.  I don't think it will work out just b/c what I'll offer her I just don't think will be enough. But we'll see.
Then it will be Monday again!

Alright, that about does it. I hope everyone is doing well!

Until Then - -

#MicroblogMonday: "The Chair, Part II"

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too. -here-

So, a quick little update on last week's entry. Had a chit chat with the husband, and tried to explain a little bit more of where I was coming from and why. He ended up understanding just a tad bit more, but still was questioning why I didn't want a "free" chair.  Our upbringings were different. He's had to work for things in life, yes. But not like me. I know what its like to have 5.00 left in my bank account and only eat mac n'cheese and roman noddles for a month. I've worked 2 jobs on several occasions. I've worked really hard for what and where I am in life. And he just hasn't had to ever do that. I get it.  He had talked to his mom on Monday, and said that I liked both chairs, just that I liked the one at Babies R'us a little more. And that we're going to look around some more just in case. Her response was "oh that's fine! you don't have to pick the one we picked out."  .......  but notice what she didn't say. She didn't say "ok we'll pay for the one she wants."
So this turns me onto my mother. Maybe she'll buy me the chair. So I invite her up for the morning, breakfast and all, and we went to look at the chair. Maybe I can get her to love it and buy it for me.
As soon as she steps in my house and see's what I'm wearing... "you don't want to change? Why don't you put on a nicer top."  Hi, my name is Kimberly and I'm 6 months pregnant with twins. Nice to meet you. I'm wearing maternity yoga pants and a t-shirt with flip flops. But thanks for trying.

I ended up missing a turn and instead of breakfast 1st, we ended up getting to the store first. We get to "the chair" and she only sit's in it for 1.2 seconds and give this look. And ask's me how am I supposed to get up from the chair with two babies.  With my legs mom, just like you get up from any other chair?  She immediately did NOT like the chair. So I of course, I start to cry. She goes on to explain how she can't afford 400.00 (after explaining the chair was on sale for 330.00). So I said, forget it! I'll buy the chair myself. Never mind you and this whole morning. I'm so over this drama with the freaking chair.
I might have not been that nice about it at the time. I did explain in some detail as to what the drama was with the in-laws, just not in detail.
She then wants to see everything I picked out on my registry. I said no... that's why I made a registry. So that you can look at the items at your leisure. I just want to go home at this point. But I pick out some of the larger things that I can remember. We get to the diapers and she ask's me if I would like a diaper service.  A what? A diaper service, where they come once a week and pick up your dirty diapers.    No mom, I seriously doubt they have something like that in the country. (She lives near DC, so I'm almost positive there is such a service there).  So I asked her, you'd pay for a diaper service, but you wont pay for a chair?
Let me insert the conversation we had on the way to the store now. She ask's me if there was anything she can start buying. like onsies, etc.   I said to her, "you mean to tell me that I'm almost due to give birth, and you haven't bought.... anything??  Not one thing?   "well no..."
{meanwhile my in-laws have already dedicated ROOMS (plural) to my kids. Even my father (if you've read previous post's) has been more responsive that my own mother}
Let's also insert the fact that she's going to FL to visit my brother next week. This will be her 3rd trip down there since he's moved last summer.
So...  you can afford to go to FL 3x, yet you can't afford to buy me a chair. And you haven't bought anything for your impending grandchildren.
wow.

Breakfast.
It was just terrible. She says to me "now I have a story to tell your aunt about how I made you cry.. just like she made her daughter cry.."    huh??
Oh yea, and remind me to get candy for your cousin.   (candy for my cousin in IRELAND, yet buying nothing for me...)
Baby boy moved just a bit and she see's my hand is on my belly. She proceeds to reach across the table  (over food and drinks) to try and touch my belly.  In the middle of the restaurant.
Mom, no, you can't do that. Now is not the time.  And she looked as if she wanted to cry.
He wasn't moving consistently, maybe just readjusting and going back to sleep. And you have to kind of press on the belly still, not just slightly touching reaching over a table!!!
She mentions the fact that she wants to go back to the mall to go shopping for some outfits for her trip to FL. I begrudgingly drive back to the mall. She's floating around looking at stuff, my feet are starting to swell and I'm getting really uncomfortable. I tell her this, and she says "oh there's a chair in the dressing rooms..."   >deep breath<
I forgot to mention, she opened zero doors for me or doots on me in anyway.

On the way home, I ask if I can give her some baby shower invitations so she can mail out to her side of the family.
"oh no... I really shouldn't do that. your aunt said I shouldn't be involved with anything baby shower related, do mom's even come to those things."
Mom, you can't mail out a few invites for me, to help me? I have to turn this thing around in less than a month, you can't help me?"
"No, I really shouldn't, but I can get you labels! yes let me get you labels!"  
No mom, I don't want your labels, can you at least give me the addresses then?  As she proceeds to shout out the addresses (we're in my drive way now, me at the door and her getting into her car). No mom! just EMAIL ME THE ADDRESSES.

Door closes, and I completely lose it. I'm so angry. What is wrong with my mother?  I ended up getting a major migraine the rest of the day and into the wee hours of the night.

I've decided I'm kind of over her right now. I can't have this sort of stress right now. My husband and I decided just to get the chair, I'll pay half and he'll pay half (cause we don't want to reach into our savings just yet).
Done.

#MicroblogMondays: "The Chair"

 Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

*******

Mother In Law, says "Pick out any chair you want (for the nursery) and we'll pay for it, and a changing table too."   Ok Great! So we went to a few stores and ended up at Baby's R'Us, and sat in all the chairs, and found one we really liked. One that I really liked, because it will be me feeding these babies (I'm having twins) every 3 hours, and me holding them, rocking them to sleep. I want and need to be comfortable. Plus, after going through infertility and treatments, after 11 years finally getting our babies, you know what? I deserve to get what I want. I deserve to have the nursery how I want.

White chair being 'my chair.'  Glider being 'her' chair.

So, she went to the store. Sat in the char. And didn't like it. Responds back in text to my husband, "we didn't like the chair, plus its a little expensive." And left it at that.
So... does that mean your not going to buy the chair anymore? Not even go halfsies? Thats it? Because you don't like the chair?
The next day, the in-laws took it upon themselves to go to a furniture store and picked out a glider. Sent my husband a picture. So we went down and looked at it. Its an "ok" chair, but its not the one I picked out. It doesn't have enough room to move around or the arm support with enough cushion. There was a rhyme to my reason as to why I picked out the chair I did. So I said I didn't like it.
My husband starts to yell/whisper at me with big angry eyes, right there in the furniture store, "well you're going to have to say yes to the chair, or they might retaliate and say no to watching the kids (day care), why don't you want a free chair?"  So I start to cry. 1) I'm super pregnant 2) Even HE JUST said if I didn't like the chair he would buy the one I wanted. 3) I want the chair that I wanted for free, not the chair that SHE wants. So now they're BOTH going back on their word. So already I hate the chair. I hate having to submit to someone else's needs and wants or agree to something but with strings attached. I've always been really super super independent. Always worked for what I wanted, and never really took any handouts. This is why I worked a 2nd job for the last year b/c I didn't want to have to beg my husband for money, or have him buy things that I wanted or needed (aka a new car that I ended up having to buy, treatments that I paid for, doctors appointments that I STILL pay for, etc) So agreeing to this chair is going against everything that I stand for.

I'm going to be forced to say I like the chair, and having them buy it.  By the way, the chair was 389.99 and the chair I wanted was 399.99.  I'm not sure I understand why 10.00 is such a big difference.   But it's because its the chair SHE wanted.
This is what we agreed on. We'll put the stupid freaking chair in the living room. And somehow I'll scrounge enough money to get the chair I that freaking wanted and put that in the nursery. He'll have to explain why we put 'her' chair in the living room. I could care freaking less at this point.
I don't even care if she says yes to watching the kids anymore. Because you know what? It will be the same type of drama. She'll raise the kids how she wants to, and not abide by the routine I have set up for the kids. "She's raised three kids, she knows how to do it... blah blah blah."   This is exactly how it will end up being. The only caviot is that having her watch them will save us 1,3000.00 a month.

Hoping you had a better Sunday than I did.

23 Week Update

Annnnd, my 1st bump picture.
If it looks like I'm tired it's because I am! 

Where has the time gone? How is that I'm already half way through the 2nd trimester, 23 weeks, more than half way through this pregnancy??
I still feel like I have a long way to go, 4 more months God willing.

I'm still on a good momentum of keeping my cool, and only focusing on one thing at a time.
I finally finished my registries, and I'm pretty happy with both list's. Next is starting to organize things in the house, so that we can start on the nursery.

My last day at my 2nd job was a long one, but I'm glad it's over. And some of the employees donated and I ended up getting a 200.00 gift card! And I thought these people hated me after how they've been treating me all this time. And to top it off, there was girl scouts outside of the store and I finally got my thin mints!

This weekend will be the first weekend that I won't have had to work a shift in over a year. I'm almost giddy with the energy that's come flooding towards me. I'm in full nesting/ organizational mood. After an "exploratory" trip to IKEA I now have a lot of ideas for the nursery. I'll be sure to take before/after pictures. I think I've finally gotten to the fun part of being pregnant.

Babies -
Because I've been in to see the High Risk doctor every other week since week 12, they've been getting the anatomy all along. So I didn't have that "20 week scan." Today I had my 23 week apt and so far they are measuring 1.4 and 1.5 pound each, heart rates are great at 154 and 156. Everything is perfect. "Don't change a thing." ~ The doctor  :)

Currently they are on top of one another. Baby girl is laying head to the right with feet to the left, and baby boy is right on top of her.

I'm feeling pretty good these days. The occasional headache, that sometimes turns into a migraine. And the occasional heart burn that sometimes turns into a bad acid reflux attack. Not fun.
 

I am feeling the babies move allll of the time now. Sometimes enough to make mamma sore!
This past week and more so every day, I'm able to feel them through the belly. At first it was weird, like something is moving in there! But now I'm obsessed with following their movements so I can feel them on the outside. Its pretty incredible.

My how I've grown! I don't have a full length mirror in our house, so its sometimes a surprise to see how big I've gotten (and will get!).

My little monster - he's looking right at the "camera."
You can see the ear on the side of the head, the eye sockets,
and nasal bone that's highlighted in the white.

Baby Girl, looking as precious as ever

They both say Twin A, but its b/c the tech forgot the change the text (and we just had to stay longer so she could re-do the imaging for the doctor). 

I go back to the high risk in two weeks. They'll be doing a test called Fetal Fibronectin testing. Basically it's a test to see if the fibronectin (the "glue" holding the babies in there) is starting to deteriorate, meaning I would be at a high risk for pre-term labor. This time around I ask for prayers that I pass this test with flying colors! I want them here, but not that bad!

Oh! I have my 1st twin mommy's meeting tonight! Really the group is for 'moms with multiples' but I'm excited to meet other twin moms out there and such up all their knowledge on how the heck I'm supposed to do all of this!
Then tomorrow I meet with one of my good friends to talk baby shower stuff. I'm not really close with my mom's side of the family, and my dads side lives pretty far away. So it looks like it will be my friend (or two) and myself planning it. No big deal. I'm not very traditional in anything I do, so whats one more thing?

That's about it! I'm looking forward to going to sleep when I get home.

Until Then -  -

My First 1st

And it was incredible, amazing, unbelievable.

The sun has risen, and the sea's are calm. 

I was feeling a little anxious most of the day yesterday. I felt baby girl all day internally, but hadn't felt baby boy yet. I kept poking him to wake him up. I just needed to know he was there. Towards the end of the night, I finally did feel him kick. When we went to bed, lately I've just been putting my hands on my belly waiting to feel them and praying. As I was praying for God to take away my anxiousness and fear baby boy got a little more active, and I trying to keep up with the movements trying to find where he was at. I pressed a little next to my belly button, and I felt him. Finally! He totally fist bumped me. I felt it internally and I felt the bump on my tummy. I let out an "oh my God" and my husband was like... what? whats wrong?  I said nothing! and I started to hysterically cry. I felt him!  I didn't know what to expect, but this was definitely an instant answered prayer.

The almighty HE heard me and my prayers. All along. Maybe this was the turning point.

Since my last post, things have gotten better. Almost immediately I felt just a tad better, just getting it out, written down helped.
2013 was a very difficult year for me. Something life altering happened every single month of that year. So the way I learned to deal with such happenings, is just to deal with things one at a time.
So this month - Feb; I'm polishing off my registries. Which my husband did not end up working late that night, and we completed most of our registry (another answered prayer). I still feel like there's a lot to add. Even if I don't get everything, at least everything I think I'll need -the list will be in one place. So I have a week left. March - I'll start to plan a baby shower. I know...I know, I'm not supposed to plan my own. I'll have some helpers, but just like how my wedding (or lack there of) went I ended up planing everything myself.  We'll also have a sit down conversation with my in-laws about watching the babies. Because if they say no, I'll need to get moving on finding a day care. March will also be the start of organizing house, and hopefully starting on the nursery.
That's as far as I got. Like I said... still just concentrating on the week I have left of Feb and what I need to accomplish by then.

My Placenta Previa is gone! Baby girl moved on up! Yet another answered prayer. AND my thyroid is starting to get its shit together. I'm officially complication free! My high risk doctor thinks that after this next visit on March 2nd, that we can push out the appointments a month apart. That's a catch 22. I loved getting to see these babies every other week, but now that I'm feeling them more and more and that the high risk doc think things are going wonderfully - then I guess its ok :)
Am I still checking for things when I use the potty? Yes, and unfortunately I just don't think that will change.

My loss anniversary is this Saturday. I'm not sure how I'll feel that day. I will definitely be reflecting, and have a heavy heart. I was supposed to have given birth on Oct 8th last year. That just happened to be the day I triggered, knowing I had 4 shiny eggs ready to go. It was hard to feel sad, when I was so excited about the possibility that I could get pregnant this round.

My mother did end up buying us all new appliances, so now my husband is working feverishly on the kitchen to fit everything in. Hopefully this was the fire set under is butt to get moving on the rest of the house. We had to do some moving around of cabinets, and rebuilding cabinets, etc to fit these guys in. I'll take a pic when all is said and done. But I LOVE the new fridge, the water isn't hooked up yet (b/c hubby had to run a water line), but that's my favorite part of the kitchen now. To have fresh water at my finger tips with ice! I'm afraid to use the oven. Its so high tech.
Every Friday, we sit down and we talk about what we can accomplish this weekend, or by next Friday - where do we want to be with the projects. So that's helped too. We both are on the same page now. My goal, is to have gone through our master closet, clothes/stuff/etc and make room for the dresser we will be moving into the closet - then move the desk/office into the nook where the dresser was.

I did end up putting my two weeks in at my 2nd job, and it was just fine. Though, I should have done it sooner. I can't seem to make it past 4 hours on my feet anymore. Each shift I work, it gets worse and worse. Not that I'm asking for sympathy - but all I get is nasty looks, eye rolls or being called a cry baby. Or I get "when I was pregnant, I could do this that and the other. Or -Oh yea I know how you feel.... " You guys, I'm so over that. NONE OF YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL, NONE OF YOU HAVE HAD TWO BABIES IN YOUR BELLY.  (this was me yelling at everyone in my head). On Sunday my hips and back hurt so bad I could hardly stand up. But they only let me go 45 min early. When I got home, I went straight to bed and didn't move for 4 hours. I only have two more shifts, Thursday night, and Saturday morning. Then.I'm.Done.!!!

The last thing I was worried about, was when I will be gone. My boss and I finally ended up meeting to get a feel of what will need to happen. And I feel much better about it. I still feel like I need to work extra hard to get things completed - i.e procedures, list's etc. Get a training schedule made up. But that's just because I'm very detailed and anal.

Sometimes I don't know why I have to go through these emotions, but better things come of it every time. Just another lesson, another reminder. God has his own timing. And he is Awesome & Almighty. He will not give me more than I can handle. I need to keep this in mind the next time I feel myself approaching the edge again.

So on to take on the week ahead! Hoping all of you had a wonderful weekend!

Until next time - -

Emotional Waves

Overwhelmed, stressed, tired, worried, anxious, fear, angry, these are a few of my favorite things. NOT!

These emotions are knocking me down to my knees. Much like a wave from the ocean if you just stand there. You try so hard to fight that wave, but it still knocks you down and sometimes tries to drown you. I'm -right-there-. Again, staring at the edge of a cliff.

When I get overwhelmed, like I'm in the bottom of a dried up well looking up at the bright circle above being the sky, I withdraw from life. I cower into the darkness and wait till its over. But I can't do that this time. So I'm struggling. Big time. Its seems as if my prayers aren't enough. I pray over and over again at night, Lord take these feelings away from me, help me back into the light. But I still feel this way.  And I'm not sure what else I can do right now to get back up, back away from the cliff.

Hormones? maybe. All of a sudden I feel like all these things are happening at once at warp speed.

Since being diagnosed with Placenta Previa, I'm getting scared to death that I'm going to go into labor early. Everyone wants to offer their 2cents. "My sister had that and she went 8 weeks early, Oh! My neighbor had that and went 10 weeks early."  I'm 20 weeks this week. That means they could potentially come in 10 more weeks. I'm not ready. Not even emotionally at this point.

I am eternally grateful that I'm even pregnant. Every day I think God for another day of life. However, lately it seem's I'm enjoying this pregnancy less and less. I have moments of sunshine, when we made it past 8 weeks, then 12, when I get to see them on the big screen, when we found out the genders. The next big milestone is making it past 24 weeks. Then 30 weeks, then 35 weeks. Then birth. But these moments of happiness are being taken over with all these feelings.

A girl at my second job asked me such a stupid question, and I tried not to let it bother me and now its playing hand in hand with the previa. She staring at my stomach... just staring. Then all of a sudden she ask's me "what would you do if one of them died?"  ummm..... WHAT?!?!?!  This girl didn't know that I've already lost one, almost a year ago at the end of this month. But what on earth would prompt you to ask this, I'm not sure. So now the fear is upfront and center again. Every time I use the loo, examining the toilet paper, do I see anything? Not yet.

And maybe that's where some of this is coming from. Knowing that this time last year I was pregnant, and knowing that in two weeks time I wouldn't be any longer. Goodness, I'm fighting back tears now.

The house isn't ready. There still so much to do and we haven't even begun on the nursery. I'm getting bombarded with "do you have a registry set up yet?"  Trying to fit that into my schedule right now, while working two jobs has been so stressful. I don't even know where to begin and I feel like we need so much stuff and/or worried that we wont have enough. I haven't had time to really research anything. Like tonight for instance, we're supposed to do Toy's R'Us when I get off work. But now, DH can't do it because he's working late (because he's stressing about money, which is stressing me out. Can I afford to quit my 2nd job? But will working a second job work me right into bed rest/pre labor? See what I mean???).
We can't do it this weekend either. After working my 2nd job on Saturday - we're going shopping with my mom to pick out kitchen appliances (which by the way we're not ready to install yet either, but mom is INSISTING we go shopping this.weekend.) Then I just know I'll be pooped, but I still have to go through my clothes and pack things away/give things away. Beeeeecause on Sunday - again after working my 2nd job, going over to the in-laws (with whom we'll have to have a serious convo about watching the kids soon, which I'm so nervous they'll say no-insert stress w/money again) to switch clothes out. Because we have to put the dresser into the closet, so that we can move the desk out of the nursery and into the master bedroom.

Then all of a sudden its Monday again.
I have a apt with my thyroid doc, which I believe my thyroid is still messed up b/c I'm losing a bunch of hair. I think to myself, why can't this doctor get my dosage straight? Why am I changing dosage EVERY 4 WEEKS? Does this effect the babies?

My husband stressed out real bad after we got our taxes done the other night. At my 2nd job, I claimed 2 exemptions for state and federal, which means very little taxes were taken out. First of all, I don't feel like I should have been working a second job. But that's a different story for a different day. Second, it was this money that helped me pay for things. (i.e TREATMENTS!, a new car b/c mine was destroyed, etc etc) that I didn't feel like I could ask him to pay for.   Therefore, we're not getting much of a return. And he was upset with me. That only pushed me further into the deep sea. I didn't do that intentionally. But because of the treatments I paid for, we're getting TWO kids to write off next year and get money back on top of that. It will because of ME that we'll get a significant amount back next year.
I'm supposed to put in my two weeks at my second job tomorrow. But he has me second guessing that I can't afford to do that. But every day, I'm reminded in one way or the other that the health of these babies are way more important that some dumb job. So I'll be doing it anyways.
But then that got me looking at our budget. How are we supposed to do this?  >deep breath<

And by the way, I'm tired all the time. And I'm hungry.

Lets just add in the stress of working job#1 while I'm at it. Deadlines are one thing. My boss hasn't approached me about the logistics of my leave, or anything. So I feel like I have to prepare myself. I'm reviewing the outdated procedure and updating them, making list's of what I do daily-weekely-monthly, making calendar reminders, etc. I've already started to spread the word to people I work with in other departments that I'll be on maternity leave, soon, so they can let me know if there is anything I need to cover in my procedures and get them into the mindset that I'll be gone for awhile. But the fact that she hasn't started to think about it yet, means maybe she doesn't take this seriously? or that I'll come back to a complete mess. I've worked this job now for 2 years. I have everything down to a science. To think that I would have to start all over when I get back... uuugghhh.


How do I stop the madness? How do I get out of this well? Get of out the ocean so I can stare at the beautiful blue water?

Happy Friday.

Until next time - -