I'm struggling to get through this day. My thoughts are everywhere, including writing this post over and over again. I'm at CD21/10dpo. I broke and took a test yesterday, and not to surprisingly it was BFN. I'm going to try and avoid being all sad and mopey so please forgive me if I slip. My cycles are usually 24-26 days, so I feel like taking a test at cd21 wasn't 'early.' I hate the feeling of the anxiousness of waiting it out. I had a few cramps here and there, but nothing like the symptoms before. So I kinda knew, but this confirmed it. Of course final confirmation will be when my lovely lady time shows up in a few days.
I wish my DH showed just a tad bit more emotions. I asked his last night if he was disappointed, and that we're now on the eve of our first treated cycle. He said he tries not to get invested until he knows its real. But that's really hard for a female NOT to do. You want and wish and hope that this time is the time it works. Why is it taking this long after the hard work that I put in? How much more do I have to go through?
Side note: now that I'm thinking about it, I should have my thyroid levels checked...
I realize that this is only the beginning for me, that I've only dipped my toe into fertility clinics and medications and doctor appointment's. This could turn into a long bumpy road ahead. One of the fears I had, has already happened. I'm 77% ready for it all, and I feel like if this last cycle on our own doesn't work, then it will be time and I will be ready for the next step. We have given it our all, and know that its been over 11 years of all kinds of trials and tribulations. It will be time to jump head 1st into the treatments.
I'm a big fan or working out when I get stressed. Its times like this where I wish I could just leave and go for a walk/run or go to my boot camp class and squat it out or punch something. Sweat out the tears, and shower off the emotions.
New running shoes should help, to which I will be buying today. Then meeting with a friend for a quick dinner. I have a pretty busy week ahead so I really wont get a work out in until Friday after job#1.
I'll also have to call my nurse soon to confirm my protocol for September, which by the way is next month (!!!!@##$$%$). Probably need to order all my meds/shots/etc and maybe go to a "class" to learn how to inject myself... #awesomesause
I have a cute binder that I need to organize too, take out all of last years stuff and replace with new paper.
Alright beautiful ladies. This is turning into a to-do list post, so I'll scurry off and make a real to-do list.
Until next time!
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