Hello Monday! What a wonderful day - said no one ever -
I have some mixed feelings today. I'm processing yet another BFN. I took a hpt on Saturday, but still having to wait till this Friday (the 25th) for the actual blood/beta test. I hate taking progesterone. I feel the mirror side effects of early pregnancy and it messes with my brain. And I'm still not convinced that the progesterone will extend my cycle. I feel like its going to start any day now and I have zero medicines for the next cycle. So now I'm just preparing for a call to the nurse telling her to turn my Friday apt into a day three apt.
But I am happy that I did stack my week with events that leave me so busy I can't even think. I'm hoping it will take my mind off whats looming ahead. My intended due date from my pregnancy in January. Its Oct 9th and I took the day off both jobs, and I am leaning towards a spa day. Or if its going to be a really nice day, maybe go for an all day hike. Get out the emotions on the mountain and be reminded of Gods glory (and take my own advice of doing something I love to do).
Even so - Hope never ceases to impress me. I thought I was jaded, and negative - but I had that hope that this would be it. It wasn't a very strong hope, but I knew I was moving in the right direction. I'm trying to take some sort of solace knowing that I'm doing everything that I can and the rest is up to God.
So lets continue on with the journaling.
Going back to your relationship with your husband, what are your idea's about family?
- I've always had trouble interpreting such an open ended question. I feel like both DH and I have the same sort of idea's for family. Raise them on hard work, goal setting, in the church.
How are your idea's and desires for family the same? Different?
- I always knew I wanted to raise my children in the church. Southern Baptist if I could help it. DH was not raised in the church, but held some of the same values. Because I am not so devout as I would like to be, I am not able to answer some of DH's concerns when it comes to the church. So its something I am trying to work on.
- Honestly? Nothing much. Maybe a little bit of money issues, but nothing an open conversation doesn't solve. Maybe the chores around the house, but that's mostly his frustration with me.
How has infertility change the way you communicate?
- This is an excellent question. We are having to talk about things I thought we would never have to, or even knew existed. We're talking about what sort of test's we could do on embryo's, whats are financial cap on those test's should insurance not cover it. How many rounds of treatments to go through. Insurance covers 3 IVFs, do we want to start saving now for a 4th one if needed? When is enough enough?
I'm trying to do some research, and read all the books when I have time. I'm reading 'It Starts with the Egg' now and its awesome. I'm only able to read here and there, but what I'm learning is so useful, and the steps I could take to help my egg quality - especially having both a thyroid problem and PCOS.
My weekend - other than trying not to be upset - was just working all day. Sunday nights are the worse b/c my feet hurt so bad and I'm so exhausted.
I do have a story for you!
I've had this lady come through my line before, and she did again yesterday. Look - I'm an adult. I bag groceries all day. I am aware of what will squish what. But this lady was very upset that I put a box of tea (mind you the tea was lighter than the bag of chex mix) with her chips. She threw out the chips and tea from the bag and made a big spectacle about how "they always squish her stuff), grabbed bags off my bag well and started to be loud with me, threw her coupons at me and was very rude. I literally had to stop and take a deep breath and did not look up from my screen.
That just infuriated me!! Luckily my lunch brake came and I was able to get of my feet and out of the store for 30 min.
Anyways!! I must get moving on these journal entries.
Until next time -
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