TWW Journaling Part IV

So its Wednesday. And I just want to get this week over with. Since I'm 90% sure this cycle is a bust, I'm just anxiously awaiting my next cycle to start. So far the progesterone has been holding the uterus at bay, and I think that's why I've been cramping. My period is supposed to start today and all my uterus wants to do, is its job, and lose the lining. I guess I can ask Friday when my nurse calls when and how much medication I'll need and probably have to go pick it up.

I'll say it again - I'm glad I stacked my week full, and I will do the same thing next cycle. Its definitely helped keep my mind at bay. The fact that I only took ONE hpt and not 3 is a miracle. Plus I kind of have an idea of when the trigger shot (hcg) will wear off if I wanted to do the same thing next cycle.

Not much else is happening. I had my personal training last night, and we did upper body. I love it when I can get a good workout in. Its hard to do when I work so much, so on the nights that I have off I try to do something active. I also try walking at lunch time. Now that is finally getting cooler, its so nice to get out of the office and get some fresh air, seeing the occasional homeless guy, then passing by the park with all the kids and the hot housewives, then returning back to my windowless office. Its great. Sometimes I walk with another girl that works in my building. She's getting into a new relationship and its nice to talk about something other than fertility. Sometimes I feel like its all I talk about.
I'm testing the waters to becoming sort of an advocate about 'taking charge' of you body and fertility. I work with some young women at job#2 so I'm telling them that at their next ob apt to maybe start asking what they can do to figure out their fertility situation. I just think its important to know. Why wouldn't you want to know? I wish I knew sooner. But I guess you just don't think it will happen to you.
I was talking with another girl at job#2, she had just gotten married so I asked when she wanted to start thinking about a family. I knew she was near my age, so she said by 35 she would start trying. Most people are aware of what I'm going through, I'm really open about it all. So I asked her if she ever thought about looking into her fertility situation. And shes kind of a shy person and she quietly said back to me that "she would accept a special needs child if she had one." She was equating fertility treatments to having a special needs child. (???????) huh? That caught me really off guard. Even with all the recent media coverage, there are still some people out there that don't have a clue what this is all about. It kind of upset me. So for now I'm going to leave it alone.
I've had that kind of response before, if you've read back to some of my beginning posts'. My dads girlfriend equated fertility treatments to (her words) having "a retard kid" and she told me I was going to have one too (because she had a friend who was over 40 and did like 4 IVFs and had a special needs child). Some people!!!       And yes, I would accept a special needs child. I would love him/her with all my heart.

Today/night I work both jobs. I'm already tired thinking about how long of a day I have.

So there are a few more questions to the journaling series I'll continue. And I'll save some for next time. I'm also going to start maybe doing a series on a recent devotional I just received, that a fellow blogger (and a group of others) developed and wrote. I'll include links at the end of this.

If you never had children how would that make you feel?

• Well, because it has already been so long, I've already started to think about living a child free life. For me, I feel like you have to have a strong marriage to even consider this. Just because its really just going to be you+him the rest of your life. When you get older, you'd have to think about your health, whose going to take care of you, where will you end up? 

Why do you think that causes you pain?

• It only causes me pain now, because its still unknown if I can have a child or not. Yes, its been 11 almost 12 years - but we're just starting treatments. I'm one for exhausting all my options before I throw in the towel, so I have some more time. 

What is the root feeling behind the pain?

• I guess its seeing everyone get pregnant. It's also people not understanding what I'm/we're going through. Having people close to me say really ignorant things just because they don't understand. Even though I am 1 in 8, not everyone is vocal as I am about what we're going through. So a lot of times it can still be very isolating. 

So here are some good links:

I got these questions off this blog during a weekly challenge she had. This blog I feel like is more of a heavily sponsored blog with lots of advertisements, but useful:

http://naturalfertilityandwellness.com/natural-fertility-resources/

Then for the devotional information click here, she's also a really great blogger that I just ran into (I'll be updating my blog list soon...)

http://trialsbringjoy.com/

Thanks for reading. I'll probably write an update on Friday. I drop off my kittens for their spay & neutering, then swing by to clinic to get my blood drawn..  then anxiously await the nurses phone call. 

Until next time - -